Because There Was
by ShutUpAndPull
Summary: An AU entry for Castle Ficathon 2019: Because there was Season 3. Because there was Royce. And a letter. And a motorcycle. And there isn't always more time. Because there was love.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **I'm so glad we're all still here diving into it together.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Kate Beckett had once been in love with Mike Royce. That was the truth.

She'd pretended it wasn't, of course. She was skilled at pretending when the fear of her vulnerabilities being exposed got the better of her.

Rick had been there, overheard when she'd confessed the secret months before, but it'd just been words used as props in a play by Beckett the detective, the one who wore a badge for the NYPD, she'd said. A woman of such strength couldn't possibly allow herself to lose control of her heart, after all, and despite the depth of her very current and very real feelings for Rick, more than anyone else she needed him to believe that. More than any other, it was the greatest tale she'd ever told, because the potential for hurt that lay on the other side of that unveiling was more real than it'd ever been.

Kate had stayed there in the alley with Royce's body as long as she could, until Lanie and the scene techs had finished documenting the surreality of it all and taken him away, and though Montgomery had told her to go home, to leave the immediate work of the night in the hands of her team, that'd been one order she just hadn't been able to follow.

"Beckett, let them do this," Rick said with a mark of concern when he left the huddle he was in with a couple of unis and approached. "You should go get some rest."

She'd felt his eyes on her all night, his active efforts to conceal his watchfulness only making it more obvious.

"I'm not five years old. I don't need to be told when to rest." Her back remained firm against the wall beside the semi-circle of yellow police tape around where the body had been. She hadn't moved from that spot for a long while, long enough that her heels tingled with the pins and needles born of her stasis. "You're the one who should go. There's no reason for you to be here, Castle."

She heard the way it sounded only after, but it was too late to soften it, his expression evidence that he'd heard it the same way.

"You're the reason I'm here," he said, not in grand proclamation but in simple truth, though that _here_ had become a physical place as well as a state of heart and mind still remained an admission without a voice. "How are you holding up?"

"My friend is dead, Castle. How are you?" she snapped but not by intention. Nothing about her felt at all under her control. "Look, you know what?" She pushed away from the wall and felt her head dizzy with the motion. "I can't write a book with you right now. I don't need a pen following me around for this."

Rick understood, maybe not the full impact of such a blow, but certainly her immediate mechanism of survival in its wake, and he wasn't about to take the bait, not there, not then. It would've been far too easy. If Kate wanted a fight, if she wanted to unleash what was building up inside of her and use him as her punching bag, she was going to have to do a lot better than that.

He stepped back, his tender tone unstirred. "Call if you need anything," he said and then turned and went, knowing there wasn't a chance in hell she would.

**xxxx**

Kate's eyes burned with the fatigue of fighting tears and too many hours absent the relief of sleep, but the image of Royce's broken body, left abandoned in the alley like trash, wouldn't leave her. With the notion of peaceful rest the most far-fetched of prospects, she bypassed home, went directly from the crime scene to the precinct as morning's first light began to glow on the horizon, and found herself back behind her desk, the letter he'd been carrying in her name unfolded in front of her.

"What the hell are you doing here, Detective? I told you I didn't want to see you in this place until next week."

She'd insisted to her captain earlier, as they stood in the fresh shadow of the victim, that she could manage it, that she could work the murder investigation of the man who'd been her teacher, her mentor-more important to her than anyone knew-and remain unruffled by it, but he'd rightly contended otherwise.

Kate took in a breath and exhaled the startle of his presence, settled an arm on top of the letter like a kid hiding her answers to an exam from prying eyes in school.

"I told you I could handle it." Her voice was rough and her tone curt, unfit for use with a superior, especially one she knew cared for her.

Her friend, Roy, in that moment no more her captain than a man out on the street, stepped around, sat in the chair beside her desk, the one most often occupied by Rick, whom she'd driven away hours before with words too harsh.

"Have I ever questioned your capability as a cop?" He pushed when she gave no reply. "Answer me. You really think this is me doubting your ability?"

She couldn't look him in the eye. It would've cracked her open.

"No," she replied with a surety contrary to her manner. "But if I-"

"You've been through this, Kate," he said, only alluding to her mother, "and because of that, you think you know better, but you don't. I've been where you are now, too, and I'm telling you, you need to work it or it's going to work you, and I can't have that in my house, not inside my best cop, not on top of what's already there."

"So, what, I'm just supposed to go home and sit around, twiddle my thumbs? Let the son of a bitch that did this get away?"

He stood up, crooked his head toward the unoccupied desks of her partners across the room. "You're supposed to let the people you trust be the people you trust, and I'm here telling you that you need the help so you don't have to ask for it. You can thank me later." Heading for his office, he called back. "Go get your head around it, Detective Beckett. See you in a few days."

**xxxx**

It didn't matter what the music was. Kate only needed the bassline, anyway, needed it thumping in her ears from the buds she had burrowed into them as she pounded away at the heavy bag in the precinct's gym.

She always kept a spare set of workout clothes in her desk, just in case, though she didn't find the time to put them to use as often as she liked, but having just been banished from the one distraction from the world's weight she counted on to be able to run to and to hide in, she suddenly had all the time in the world.

It was cruel, she knew, to subject her body to such punishment in its weary state, but she relished the sting of her muscles. Without it, all she could feel was the ache of her heart, and that was far worse. How she'd left things with Royce months before, or he with her. That he'd put her in such an impossible situation ate at her more minute by minute, and the harder it bit, the harder she kicked and punched her way into a trance, breathless and blurry.

No one knew where to find her. She wasn't even supposed to be there, so when he suddenly appeared she jumped, the second time she'd been surprised to find herself with company that early morning.

"Fuck, Espo," flew from her mouth as she yanked out her earbuds with a rough tug of their cord. "You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?"

Javi clamped his hands around the bag hanging between them and settled it. "I came to ask you that. Captain said you were taking off a few days, but I saw these on your desk, figured you were probably in here taking something out on someone." He slid her keys from his pants pocket, dangled them by a finger. "Guess I was right."

After brushing away the drops of sweat running down her forehead, she went to work unraveling the tape from one of her hands. "I'm not _taking_ anything. I didn't have any choice. You think I'd be in here if I could be downstairs or out there finding out who did this to Royce?" She stepped off for the bench nearby, grabbed the towel she'd brought in with her and wiped the salt out of her puffed eyes. "It's BS. I'm fine."

"I don't know how you could be." He followed but gave space. "You or anybody else who has to go through it, no matter how strong they are." They shared a look, and he knew she'd heard what he hadn't said. "Listen, we'll get the a-hole that did this, okay, me and Ryan. I promise you that. And when we do, you get to be the one to tell Royce all about it."

"The way I left it, Javi. I never got to…"

He reached out and handed her the keys. "Don't do that. I did that after Ike. That's a hole with no ladder. Do what Montgomery said. Take the days or whatever. Come back in here ready to roll, because we need you that way."

Kate curled the keys into her bare palm and squeezed them with every ounce of anger in her. "You promise, Espo?"

"Yeah," he said, and then he went to it.

**xxxx**

Even after a hot shower, the length of which would surely have offended anyone with a delicate environmental sensibility, Kate couldn't manage to fall asleep. It didn't help that the morning sun was pouring through her bedroom window, but the beat of the water on her skin usually worked to tranquilize her, which only exacerbated her frustration. So many of her days began with one and had to end with another, the effects of hours spent in the presence of the city's lowest of the low practically demanding a supplementary cleanse of both mind and body.

As he often did, Josh had left her a message after his overnight shift at the hospital. She'd missed the call somewhere between the 12th and home and had listened to it, but still wasn't in any mood to talk, not even to him.

By no real fault of either of them, their relationship had trickled into something of a monotonous pattern. Kate had noticed, at least, didn't know if he had. She hadn't asked. Most days it worked for her. Some it didn't. Those were usually the days she allowed herself to acknowledge what it was she really wanted. If only acknowledging it made her less rather than more afraid of it.

She lived by order, though, and pattern was easier, or so her brain kept trying to convince her heart, and by necessity the battle cry had continued to grow louder and louder, because there was Rick. There was always Rick. Even when there wasn't, even when he was out of her sight, away from her life, and pushing back against it only seemed to make the fight that much harder.

With the hiss of a curse, Kate ripped the elastic band from her wet hair and freed it, rolled onto her stomach and checked the clock on the nightstand. She'd been staring at the ceiling for less than an hour, but it might as well have been a dozen for how long it'd felt.

She didn't belong there. She belonged in her fucking job, hunting down the killer who'd blown another corner of her heart to pieces, and no amount of time in a gym or a shower or any other goddamn place was ever going to make it okay that she wasn't.

Her phone beeped for the second time since she'd made it to bed and she ignored it again, but when a knock at her door followed soon after, she picked it up to check it. There were two text messages from Rick, who, apparently, was standing in the hallway outside her apartment, having already been to the precinct and not found her there. He couldn't have known. She hadn't bothered to tell him.

Having crawled directly into bed from the shower, the only thing she had on was a t-shirt, and even after cleaning herself up, she still looked exactly how her night had gone, like absolute hell. And, honestly, she just didn't feel like being doted on, like being looked at in the way he inevitably would, so she stayed right where she was, didn't move. He knocked again, and once more, and then there was quiet, except for one last beep.

"I don't know if you're in there or not. If you are, I left something for you. I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," his final message read, and she had to swallow down the lump that rapidly formed in her throat.

She kicked aside the covers and went for the door, checked the peephole to make certain he'd gone. It would've been like him to mess around, to still be there waiting despite what he'd said, but he wasn't, and around the flutter of disappointment she had to remind herself that was what she'd wanted.

When she opened, there it was on the hallway floor, the same sort of coffee cup he brought her every morning-when mornings were normal. That morning wasn't, though she'd endeavored to make it so, and it seemed Rick had done the same, which found the knot of emotion rising up in her again.

Kate shut the door, held the cup's small opening beneath her nose and inhaled the aroma of vanilla before sampling it, toting it back into the bedroom with her. It wasn't at all what her body needed, but she still wanted it near, if only to be able to see that something had been given in the face of all that'd been taken away.

She climbed back beneath the covers. The sheets were already cool from her absence, brief though it was, and a shiver ran through her. Her phone was still perched on the empty pillow beside her and she reached for it, nearly pulled her hand back but stopped herself and took hold of it.

She read Rick's parting words one more time, felt a flash of anger with herself over too many things, and dropped the phone onto the nightstand next to the coffee. Curled on her side, she gazed at the cup through bleary eyes, thought of the smile he always wore when he gifted hers, the incidental brush of their fingers in the transfer.

The last images in her mind were of him-not of Josh, not of Royce-before sleep found her, at last.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Well, hello again, darling. What are you doing home so soon? Slow murder morning at the office?" Martha asked Rick with an amused snigger, surprised to find him walking back through the loft door, since he'd headed out for the day only a short time before. "And why the long face? Is everything all right? How's Katherine holding up?"

He still had his own coffee in hand. It'd gone cold. He'd barely sipped any of it.

"I have no idea," he answered with woven disappointment and soreness. He went immediately for the kitchen sink, emptied the liquid from his cup and threw it into the recycle can with a firm hand. "Montgomery sent her home before I got to the precinct. He's not letting let her work Royce's murder case."

"I can't imagine she liked that very much, but it does sound like a wise decision, if you ask me. Even from what little you've told me about her relationship with this man that might be the best thing for her, especially after everything she's been through with her mother's case. It certainly can't make it any easier when the victim is someone near and dear."

"Beckett doesn't do well with being told no. Wherever she is, I'm sure she's got steam coming out of her ears. Esposito told me he found her beating the crap out of the bag in the gym early. He did what he could to try and cool her down, but…"

Martha came over, gave his arm a maternal squeeze of support. "But…Katherine. Yes, say no more." She'd seen and heard plenty over the years. She understood. "How long is she being exiled for?"

"A lifetime, for her," Rick replied under his breath. "A few days was all Captain said. Hopefully Esposito and Ryan can track down whoever killed Royce by the time she comes back. Her having to be out during the investigation is bad enough. I can't imagine her having to sit there and watch them work the case without her."

"No, neither can I, the poor girl. What will you do with yourself in the meantime, hmm, while your muse isn't out there with her cape on, saving the day?"

He slipped out of his jacket and set it aside, began rolling up his sleeves. "I went over to her place to drop off her morning coffee and to check on her after I left the 12th, but she didn't answer the door or my texts. I don't want to push, so, for now, I guess I'm going to make myself some breakfast and wait."

"You're going to wait. Imagine that," she quipped and tugged at the fabric of his shirt, angled him enough to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Martha Rodgers raised a good man. Not that you need any reminding, of course."

"Nah," he responded with equal playfulness, "but please feel free to remind Beckett of that as often as you'd like. A little help couldn't hurt."

**xxxx**

Kate woke with a pair of swollen eyes that made it look as though she'd been the one that'd taken a few of the jabs she'd dished out that morning. Somehow, though she had actually managed to tally several hours of decent sleep, her presentation had gone from bad to worse, and she could almost swear, as she stood there in front of the bathroom mirror, she could hear it snickering.

She choked a dollop of toothpaste onto her finger from a tube that held little more than that and let it dissolve on her tongue, ran a washcloth beneath the cold water and held it over one eye as she made her way back out to her bed.

It was still bright outside, a glance at the clock noting the time just beyond 3PM, and with nowhere else to be and nothing else to do she reached for her phone and settled back in. There was no word yet on Royce from either of her partners-she'd hoped more than expected-and nothing more from Rick, though seeing his name there in her list of saved messages instantly sparked a blush.

That day wasn't the first he'd been in one of her dreams, nor was it the first he'd been in her in one of her dreams, but the occurrence, in the instances she actually remembered, never failed to both embarrass and excite. That a fantasy so titillating should emerge from the shadow of such a dark moment was what confounded her.

At least in theory, it shouldn't have been happening at all, certainly since she had a beautiful man in Josh in her bed whenever she liked-or when he wasn't off in the world slaying his own brand of dragon, that was. To refer to their schedules as incompatible was to say the very least, but it wasn't as though she wanted for sex.

Still, it should've been him swirling around in her subconscious, not Rick. She had no idea what the weight of his body felt like on top of hers, what his pleasure sounded like, the way his skin tasted. Oh, but she did know the softness of his lips, and of their artistry, and no matter her efforts, her fleeting triumphs at pushing those reminiscences to the background, she hadn't been able to hold them there for very long.

Kate finally called up Josh's voicemail from earlier and let it play, counting on it to snap her free of the dream that'd followed her into reality. Because he didn't yet know work was a non-issue, he'd suggested they have dinner in when she finished for the day, and because she hadn't seen him in a couple of days, she figured she should, whether or not she was up for it.

"Hey," she said, the washcloth now draped across both eyes. "Sorry, I just listened to your message. How was your shift last night?"

"Awful, but not as awful as you sound. Everything okay? Bad guys bein' particularly bad?"

"I'm not at the precinct." She felt her fingers curl tight around the phone from the bite of the disclosure. "Montgomery sent me home. I didn't sleep at all last night. I just woke up."

"Were you on a new case? Why would he send you home?"

"It's-I don't really want to talk about it right now, Josh." She didn't want to talk about it at all was more the truth of it. "Dinner's fine, but can we do it here? I don't feel like being out."

He agreed, told her he'd see her after the couple of hours she asked for, and they hung up. Kate tossed the washcloth onto the nightstand, rolled so she could see over the edge of the bed, her clothes from the gym and the jacket she'd had on over them in a pile on the floor. She reached down and into one of its pockets, pulled out the letter from Royce, and leaned back against the pillows.

She hadn't unfolded it since that morning, and she felt almost nervous doing it again, her heart pumping an extra beat as her fingers worked. She tried to start reading it at the beginning, because every word was one she now had to cherish, but her eyes traveled straight to the bottom of the page, to what he'd written about Rick, like they were the only words there.

…_you and Castle have something real_.

Kate knew how to go after things, how to get things. That was what she did, all day, every day. That was what she was best at, and she and everyone around her knew it. What she didn't know how to do was surrender to things, and the feelings she had for Rick would require that of her, if ever she was to have a chance at living what it was Royce had so easily seen.

And god how she wanted to.

**xxxx**

"Well you've looked better," Josh said with a peck on the cheek when Kate answered his knock, Chinese food from the place she liked down the street hanging in bags at his sides. "Still gorgeous, though. Hi."

"I hope for your patients' sakes you're a better surgeon than liar." She followed him into the kitchen, where she already had plates and silverware set out on the island. He put the bags down, gathered her into a hug. "Thanks for bringing the food. I haven't eaten all day."

"Come on, Kate. No sleep all night and no food all day? You realize as a medical professional I can't condone these practices." They separated, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "So, let's hear it. Tell me what happened. Why'd the boss kick you out?"

Two minutes in the door and she already had to get into it. If she'd known how little time she was going to have, she would've started on the wine earlier.

Josh went through the bags while Kate sat on the stool beside him and silently pleaded with her body not to start crying again when she said the words. That wasn't for anyone else to see.

"I got a call last night. Someone killed Royce, left his body in an alley with a bullet hole in his head."

He poured a pile of rice onto her plate, moved right along to the next container. "Who's Royce?" he asked with a nonchalance that hit her like a speeding train.

She hadn't ever told him. She hadn't ever told him about one of the most influential and important men in her life, one who'd directly affected the path she was still on as she sat there. As if she hadn't already chosen to tune out enough reasons why she had no business being in a relationship with him, there was one more for the list.

"He was a friend, from the Academy," was all she gave, because now there wouldn't be point in giving much else.

"Oh, wow, that's awful, Kate, I'm sorry. I hope you guys can catch whoever did it," Josh replied around a bite. "Were the two of you close?"

It was strange how necessary something could come to be so quickly, how even a minute more could feel like one too many. What Kate knew she had to tell him before the night was over wasn't about him, about something he had or hadn't done, and the only fault in all of it was her own. Josh was nearly everything she needed him to be, and what he wasn't lay entirely beyond his control.

She just couldn't pretend anymore, not after Royce, not after the mirror he'd put in front of her and forced her to look. She had to do the hard thing. She had to do the fair thing.

"We were. Once," Kate said, and then regret swallowed whatever was supposed to come next.

**xxxx**

After they finished eating, they were sitting next to one another on the couch. Josh had his feet kicked up on the coffee table, his head back and his eyes closed, Kate, a book open in her lap, though she hadn't read a single page. They'd spent many nights together that way, both weary from work and desperate for the rarity of quiet, but on that night, a voice inside her had invaded that quiet with its screams.

She looked down, read the same sentence she'd already read a dozen times, and finally gave up. Josh seemed so at peace she thought as she stole another glance, like he was exactly where he wanted to be, and she was struck with a pang of envy. She'd been sent away from her place, from her own rendition of peace, and been left with nowhere to hide.

"Josh," she said once she'd managed to work up enough nerve to turn up the volume on her thoughts.

Without lifting his head or opening his eyes, he hummed a question mark.

"I can't do this."

"Finish later. We can go to bed. You just have to help me up," he replied, more playful than he realized the moment called for, and before she said anything more, she waited until he was with her enough to hear it. "What's wrong?" There was something in her face, but he wasn't able to read it. The heaviness in his eyes didn't help.

"I'm not talking about the book." She tossed it onto the table like she somehow needed to emphasize the point. Josh pulled his feet down and sat forward, looked her in the eye until she broke off. "I'm sorry, Josh. I just can't be in this with you anymore."

"What are you talking about? Where is this coming from all of a sudden, Kate? Is this about my job again? We've been through this before. You know how important it is to me."

They had been through it, more than once. Kate only wished the reason was that simple.

"It's your job. It's my job. It's more than that."

"Is it because of what happened last night? What happened to your friend? Is this some sort of reaction to that?"

Kate hated the way he said it, almost dismissive, but it wasn't the time.

And it was about last night-and about the days before and the months before that. Sudden had been a long time coming.

"It's not the reason, but it's a reason. I really wanted this to be what I want, Josh, and I know how this is going to sound, but it really isn't you."

He got up from the couch, took a few steps and snapped around. "Who is it then? The writer?" His tone notably changed, hardened. "You've told me a hundred times how he's the least serious person you've ever met. That he drives you crazy. You think that's what you want? We're the same, Kate. He's a damn joke."

From the punch in his words, it clearly wasn't the first time he'd contemplated the notion. It was practically an accusation, and that said a lot in itself.

Her eye had wandered, but that brought her right back. "You don't know him." For as weak as her voice felt, the protest came out strong. "And sometimes being the same isn't enough."

"I don't understand this, Kate." He waited for something, but it never came, because when she couldn't think of anything more to say, she said nothing at all. "This is a mistake. Soon you're going to realize that."

And then he was gone.

It was several minutes before she even moved. The lights were on, the leftover food was still out on the counter, and she was still dressed, but she didn't care about any of it. She retreated to her room and curled up on the bed, the coffee cup still there beside her.

She wanted to be angry with Rick. She wanted to hate him for how he'd complicated her life, one she thought she'd insulated beneath enough protective armor to keep a man like him away, a man who inspired her to think about all the things she could have but didn't know how. But she couldn't. He hadn't done anything except be exactly who he was from the very beginning.

She was the one making it complicated. She was the one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Rick hadn't let his phone out of his sight since he'd gone to Kate's apartment the previous morning to check in on her, hoping as every hour passed he'd see her name flash across its screen, but it hadn't, and it was killing him.

Despite the knot he was carrying inside and with his happy-go-lucky face on, he stood at the kitchen counter and poured juice for his mother and daughter to go along with the breakfast muffins he'd already been out for, because that was what he always did.

"What time is the car coming for you and the ladies, Mother, and do I need to apologize in advance to your driver for whatever shenanigans await him?"

Martha and a small group of her friends were headed out to the house in the Hamptons for the weekend. He'd considered taking a few days out there for himself, crashing the party, until what'd happened to Royce. Now he didn't want to be that far from Kate-not that it appeared she had any need for him.

"Very funny, Richard, and that won't be necessary. I'm certain we can manage to behave ourselves without the intervention of a man who not all that long ago found it amusing to moon passing drivers out the window. Besides, it's only a few hours to the Hamptons. How much trouble could we really get ourselves into?" She turned to Alexis and winked as she sipped her juice.

"And you, daughter, are all packed and ready for your trip, I assume? You know, I remember my class trip to Italy when-"

"We know all about the gelato incident, Dad. We've heard about it a thousand times," Alexis interjected after a roll of her eyes, "and we're only going to Boston. All I'm bringing is a backpack."

Rick tipped his glass toward Martha. "You could learn a lot from your granddaughter. A few days away and you pack your entire wardrobe."

"It's no wonder he's single," she leaned over and whispered to Alexis, and they both snickered. "Why don't you ask Katherine what a woman's clothing means to her, darling, and then try to poke fun at her."

"Oh, but do it when I'm around, so I can watch what happens," Alexis chimed in with a wicked delight.

He crinkled his face in phony amusement. "Have I mentioned how much I'm looking forward to this quiet weekend alone? You two are worse than Ryan and Esposito."

"Speaking of which, any word from them about how the case is going? Or from Beckett?" Martha added with tender curiosity.

Rick shot a glance at his phone, found nothing new since he'd done the same two minutes ago.

"Nope," he said, the disappointment in his voice evident in spite of his attempt to mask it behind a jaunty response. "You heading out?" he asked Alexis when he noticed her check her watch.

"I have to. The buses are leaving right at 8:30AM." She slid from her stool, met him halfway for a hug. "Remember, no parties while I'm gone, young man," she teased into the squeeze.

He kissed the top of her head with spirit, like he didn't hate it every time she left him. "You know the only part of that I heard was the 'young' part, right?"

"Go on, Alexis. Get out of here before he notices the $100 I swiped for you from his wallet," Martha said, sending Rick reaching for his back pocket, and she gave her a hug of her own. "See you Monday, kiddo. Be smart out there."

"I will, thanks, Gram. Bye, Dad."

"Don't miss me too…" The front door slammed shut behind her before he could finish the thought. "Much." He immediately whipped around to Martha. "You took money from my wallet, Mother, really? But I'm sure you kicked in a little something from your own, too, right?"

She headed for the stairs. "Such a kidder, darling. I'm off to get ready for the gals. The car will be here to pick me up soon enough, and then you can start enjoying your quiet weekend alone." The mockery in her voice echoed. On the landing, she stopped and looked back over her shoulder. "You know you could try giving Katherine another call. She may not pick up, but effort is often rewarded and thought does count."

"Maybe," Rick said softly when she disappeared from view.

**xxxx**

Kate didn't know where she wanted to go, only_ that_ she wanted to go.

When she woke that morning and wandered out of her bedroom to the mess she'd left in the kitchen, she realized there wasn't a chance in hell she could spend the next however many days sitting alone in that apartment. She'd barely been cooped up as it was, but she could already feel the walls beginning to close in.

Into a small bag she threw some clothes and toiletries, an extra pair of riding gloves, and set it out by the door. Her shower was thorough, not hurried as it often was when she had to zip off to the precinct, and her ensemble afterward basic, some jeans soft from wear and a tee that had a tendency to slide from one shoulder if she moved this way or that. Rounding it out with black leather on her back and her feet, she tucked Royce's note into her pocket and headed out.

The day was grey, but a grey that soothed not threatened, well-suited for following the road toward nowhere in particular. She'd housed her bike in her father's garage for almost as long as she'd had it. There'd been long stretches where it'd sat unused, but Josh had changed that. They'd gone out riding together on weekends when he'd had time off from the hospital-when he'd actually been in country-and that time had helped her to remember how much she loved it.

On her way there, she'd left her father a message to let him know she'd be stopping by the house, asked him to call back when he could. They hadn't spoken in a week. That wasn't their usual pattern, and she missed his voice.

It wasn't until she was elbow-deep in a bucket of sudsy water that her phone rang. The Harley was a mess from the last time it was out, coated in a layer of dust, and it'd earned a scrub. "Yeah," she answered into the air, unable to see who was calling with her reach, but aggravated by the timing nonetheless.

"Beckett?" It wasn't her father's voice, the only one she might've expected. "Are you-Is that you?"

It'd taken him some time to convince himself of it, but his mother's advice had been sound advice.

"Yes, Castle, it's me. I'm in the middle of something. Can I call you back?"

"No. I mean, yeah, of course, I just, I wanted to see if you might meet me for coffee or something, but if you're busy or if you don't feel like it, I totally understand. You can just…Yeah, call me back, if you want."

The corners of her mouth curled with his fumbling. "Take a breath, Castle. It sounds like you've had enough coffee this morning, already." As much as she wanted to get out of the city, she also knew she owed him an apology, and that suddenly felt more important. "But, fine, I'll meet you for one more. I need an hour, though. I'm over at my dad's. I'll text you the address of a place, okay?"

"Sure, whenever, wherever you want. I'll see you in an hour then."

**xxxx**

She found a coffee shop for them a few blocks from the house, parked the bike down the street a ways, and went inside, spied Rick already seated at a table away from the entrance, though she, too, had arrived early.

They didn't often do that, share time alone away from the 12th, which was both odd because they were friends and not odd because they were something more they hadn't yet spoken, and it was the latter that set off the tiny flutter in her stomach when their eyes met across the room.

"Hi," Kate said once she'd snaked her way around the line of customers that led to the counter. "I said an hour, Castle. How long have you been here?" Her detective eyes forever at work, she'd noticed straight off his porcelain cup was half empty.

Rick pushed back and moved to stand, but she waved him off. "I guess I was excited you agreed to come," he offered with a shrug, every bit the truth. "You brought the Harley?" She had her helmet tucked beneath one arm, and she hung it off the corner of the chair opposite his. "Is today the day I finally get to meet her?"

"We'll see," she replied, because it struck her more fun than simply agreeing.

"I already ordered one, obviously. What can I get you, the usual?" He stepped into line with her nod, returned a few minutes later. "They'll bring it over." After a breath he went on. "So, the reason I asked you to meet me, I, um, I wanted to say, first, that I was sorry about showing up at your place yesterday. I shouldn't have done that. The second thing was, because I didn't get the chance the other night, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Royce. I'm sure you don't want to talk about it. That's fine. I just, I know he was important to you, and if there's anything I can do, I hope you'll let me do it."

Kate had never wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her more than she did at that moment, to feel the warmth of his heart radiate through her, and that she couldn't find way to show him, that she remained in the grip of her fear, was tormenting. It was as if she was standing inside an invisible box, and what she longed for most was right there waiting for her on the other side, close enough to touch yet impossible to reach.

"You don't have to apologize, Castle, I do." One of the shop's employees approached with Kate's coffee, and she immediately curled her hands around the cup, grateful for someplace to put them. "I shouldn't have said what I did the way I did. I knew you were out there the other night for me, and I appreciated it. I really did. And the gift you left at my door was sweet, thank you. I just needed some time after everything."

"No, I get it, of course you did. Is it okay if I ask how you're doing today?"

She swallowed her first sip of coffee and it went down like gold. "Mostly frustrated, I guess. Not having my job to go to is the worst part. I want to do something, Castle. I hate feeling useless, and I love my apartment, but all sitting there does is remind me that I'm not where I should be."

"Montgomery's looking out for you, Kate. That's hard for you to swallow, I know. Believe me, I know," Rick said with a playful air of weariness. "At least you're out on the bike. That has to help. It definitely helps me," he mumbled into his cup.

Kate side-eyed him, but let the remark go. "I guess," she said more hopeful than agreeable. "This has helped, Castle, being here." The two shared a lingering look. "I'm glad you called."

"I'm glad you answered."

**xxxx**

"So, I guess I'll see you?" Rick said when they stepped out of the café, sounding every bit a man who couldn't say what it was he really wanted to.

Kate nodded and gave him a half smile. "Yeah, I'll see you." They turned to go in opposite directions, but she stopped after only a couple of steps. "Hey, Castle," she called over her shoulder and he looked back, "you want to see the bike?" Without a word, he came scurrying up the sidewalk and right past her. "I guess that's a yes," she said to herself and followed him up the block.

"Even without the sun she's sparkling," he cooed, stepping into the street without any regard for oncoming traffic. "Look at that chrome!"

"It never ceases to amaze me the things that excite you, Castle," she told him with a shake of her head. "I was cleaning her up when you called. I've done better, but it's fine. I'm going back out, anyway." She walked over and set her helmet on the seat, slid her hands into the pockets of her jacket. She still couldn't settle them.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever have this chance, that's all, and, by the way, don't get me wrong, the jeans are great, but I have to say I would've preferred the tight black leather. Just a preference. Just a preference." He circled the bike one more time, earned himself a honk from a taxi and didn't even flinch. "Where are you taking her?"

Little more than two hours before, Kate had been alone in her apartment, having woken from and to something resembling a nightmare, heavy with sorrow and bitterness, but after only the brief collection of minutes she'd spent with him, the weight of it all had abated.

It was a talent Rick recognized in himself, took pride in and put to use, the ability to create light where it didn't exist before, but he had no idea of its depth. She'd never told him how many cracks in her heart had been healed by it or how many days she'd left him bettered by simply being in his orbit, and she doubted even he, a man who lived by his craftsmanship with words, could ever summon any adequate to convey her gratitude.

"I don't know. Anywhere. Nowhere. Just away for a couple of days," she told him.

"There's a lot of that going around. All my favorite women are fleeing the city, it seems." Kate tilted her head, curious. "Alexis and my mother are both away for a long weekend, too-class trip and girls' weekend. And a couple of days? You don't have any stuff with you."

Kate tapped the saddlebag hanging from the side of the bike with her toe. "I do."

Rick eyed it then her. "Wow, that's even more impressive than Alexis' backpack. You really do have superpowers."

"Do you want to come?"

She wasn't even sure where inside of her it came from, but the question was out of her mouth before she had any opportunity to stop it and her body instantly stiffened, not because she felt regret but because hope had at once overwhelmed her.

"Do I-"

"No, sorry, I'm sure you have things to do or whatever. Forget it. It was a dumb idea."

He had his fingertips coolly resting on the back of the bike. If he hadn't he would've been flat on the sidewalk from the shock.

"No things, I have no things, but I don't want to intrude, obviously."

Kate crooked a brow. "Because that's not something you ever do?" she asked with sass. "Castle, if you want to come then come. I'll just need to go back to the house to get you the spare helmet. Lord knows you can't afford any more damage to your brain."

"Oh, I definitely want to."

She threw her leg over the seat. "Then wait here. I'll be back in fifteen minutes." The motor chugged when she started it up. "And because it's you, I have to say this. Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone," she admonished and pulled her on her own helmet.

What Rick couldn't see behind the visor was the smile in her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Kate had drawn a firm line across her own path, one invisible to her eye but one she still felt at her feet just the same, and despite Rick's attempts to persuade her to erase it, she didn't dare step over.

"Beckett, please, you're making me nervous just standing there like that. Come in and sit," Rick persisted when he passed again, moving from one side of his bedroom to the other before disappearing into the closet. "I promise I only bite when I'm asked to."

They'd made a stop at the loft so Rick could throw a few things in a bag to bring with them, which had inspired aggravation she'd been all too happy to share, in spite of the sense of it. She'd been anxious before the invitation that'd surely taken her by greater surprise than him, but now there was a whole added layer to it.

"I'm fine here, Castle. Just, come on. Are you almost done?" she called to him from the doorway that stood between his bedroom and his office, his rumpled bed sitting there, staring back at her as if in challenge. "I really want to get going."

What she wanted was to stop seeing flashes of her most recent dream starring their naked bodies come to life there on his California King, but she couldn't look away.

"It's my first motorcycle trip. I want to make sure I look the part. Rush me now, I might embarrass you later."

Kate snickered. "Might? That's a permanent state I live in with you, Castle. It comes with your territory."

_Don't stop_. She heard her own voice whispering in her ear, breathless as his tongue worked her over. _Please don't stop_.

"Beckett? I said what do you think?" Rick twirled in a circle like a girl trying on prom dresses. "Is this good?"

The perfectly broken-in jeans coupled with the black tee that hugged just enough where it should were the least of what was good. Talk about embarrassed. She could only wonder how many times he'd had to try for her attention.

"You're not entering a fashion show, Castle. You're getting on a motorcycle. Can we please-?"

"Okay, okay, jeez, one minute. You're as impatient as my mother when I'm opening a new bottle of wine." He ducked into the closet again but quickly emerged with his bag. "My jacket's already out there, so I'm all set. We can go now, Jeeves." He grinned. "Get it? Because you're my driver."

"Don't call me that."

"Right."

**xxxx**

Rick's fingers had managed to slip their way underneath the hem of Kate's leather jacket and latch themselves to her waist, as they'd reached the open road of the Taconic Parkway and continued to roll north away from the city. It didn't matter that it'd been inadvertent or innocent or his hold on her entirely necessary. None of that lessened the intoxicating buzz of his touch.

Surprising as it'd been, he'd left their destination in her hands without input or suggestion, and though she still wasn't sure where they'd end up, less than an hour into a journey toward wherever, the cacophony in her head was already beginning to relent. The larger fight, however, seemed to be with the thrum of her heart, which now roared in her ears above the chug of the Harley's motor.

When the muscles of Rick's thighs suddenly twitched against hers in protest of their requisite immobility, it had her fighting not to squirm with the flash of heat it shot through her, and the realization of what for so long had only been a fantasy felt so within her grasp, she could practically taste him on her tongue.

Without Josh, only her fear stood between them, only her excuses grown of it, and she hated both. She could have Rick. She was certain of that. She knew she could find an exit, a motel, a bed, plead in hungry whispers for him to do all the things to her body she'd ever imagined him doing, and he would grant her every one.

Oh, the hours that would take.

It was a needed more than welcome interference when a car flew past in the lane beside them and turned Kate's head, and it was in that span of seconds she happened to catch sight of a road sign for Lake George. As if it was meant only for her, she knew instantly that was where she was supposed to go.

Royce had spoken of that place many times, never in great detail, but she recalled his having spent time there during summers of his youth, and his having come to appreciate it more upon visits as an adult, when the simplicity of its beauty had been better realized. She'd never been, despite her time over the years at her family's cabin upstate, but because of him it'd always remained on some list she kept scribbled in her mind for someday.

She couldn't know. Maybe there was some message waiting for her there, some key to unlock the words inside of her so she could finally find way to admit what it was she wanted. Magic, fate, whatever it was. All of that was more Rick than it was her, but with Royce's note tucked inside the pocket against her heart, she found herself willing to look.

**xxxx**

At a little over a hundred miles out of the city, Kate pulled the bike off an exit and into town to top off the gas tank. It didn't need it quite yet, but being unfamiliar with the route, she thought safe better than sorry. Not to mention her stomach was screaming at her for food.

Rick slid gingerly off the bike when she shut it down, the hiss that slipped out of him indicative of his discomfort. "I'm going to be able to feel my butt again at some point, right?" he asked with a deliberate rub. "And please stay close." He shook each of his legs wildly. "I might need you to help me walk straight."

"Amateurs," Kate cracked off a grin. "We're not even halfway there, Castle. Good thing you spent so much time picking out that outfit instead of stretching like I said you should." That outfit, though. It still had her nipping at her lip. "Look, I'll do the gas, and then we'll go eat something, give you a chance for a break."

"A break would definitely be good, thank you, not that I'm not enjoying having my hands on you when you can't slap them away without instigating my grisly and certain death. Being the passenger definitely has its benefits." He crouched and popped up, crouched and popped up, gave his body a final shake. "What?"

He wasn't the only one savoring the benefits, but Kate wouldn't say so.

"Nothing, I'm just watching you being your usual strange self. You've made it a true art form, Castle." She took a couple of steps back toward the road, gave it a scan. "It looks like there might be a place to eat a few lots down. Why don't you take a walk, stretch your legs. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Rick nodded and slowly set off. She stood for a moment and watched, her hands on her hips where his had been, her lip clamped between her teeth.

**xxxx**

"I might actually have to get myself a bike after this," he said chomping on a fry. "I get why you must like it. It's noisy and rough, but exhilarating. It's perfect for you, really."

Kate imagined it was supposed to be a compliment, but wasn't entirely sure. "Why is it perfect for me? Why do you say that?" Three bites into her chicken wrap and she already felt better, the rumblings of her stomach hushed by the gift.

"No, it's just I know how you throw yourself into things, how distraction makes it easier for you to not have to think about what you don't want to think about. I bet the ride helps to drown stuff out, that's all."

She couldn't argue because he wasn't wrong.

"You're not getting a motorcycle, Castle," she returned instead. "You have a kid. And a frightening lack of coordination. You'd probably end up in the hospital within a week. No. It's passenger only for you."

Rick's eyes widened as he guided his cheeseburger into his mouth with affection. "If you're the driver, I have no problem with that. I really can't believe you've never taken me out before. For sure my saving us from that dirty bomb should've earned me a ride, at least." He wiped his lips, left a smudge of ketchup, which gave her an excuse to hold her gaze.

That day often passed across her mind, not only for the obvious perilously-close-to-dying reasons, but because of the way it'd almost ended, and though she could never be sure about what she might've let herself agree to had Josh's arrival not interrupted Rick's thought, what his thought was had always tickled her curiosity.

"Why now by the way? Why all of a sudden?" he followed.

The things Kate didn't have answers for were piling up like snow in a blizzard. "Being out of work must be warping my thinking. And you have ketchup on your lip, Castle."

Rather than reach for his napkin, he put his tongue to use, a technique that succeeded in more ways than one. "Or maybe it was the coffee I left at your door-like a tip for the delivery service," he offered with a smile.

It was for that coffee and all the rest of them.

"Maybe, now hurry up and finish. We still have a ways to go."

"You decided where we're going? When did that happen?"

"Ever been to Lake George? I saw a sign a little while ago, thought I might head that way."

He swallowed down his bite with the last of his beer. "I haven't, but I've heard of it, obviously," he said as though looking for praise. "I'm more of a beach guy than a woods guy, but I think I can handle roughing it for a couple of days."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Christ, Castle, it's not like we're going to be sleeping on the ground and foraging for nuts and berries. Your sacrifice is noted." She tossed the rest of her sandwich onto her plate. "Speaking of, didn't you say your mom went to the Hamptons for the weekend? Why didn't you go with her, Mr. Beach Guy?"

"You know what? You're right" Rick said with an exaggerated nod. "It really does sound better when it drips with mockery, and besides the fact that when Mother gets her lady crew together, all they do is try to convince me I should be dating their daughters, I wanted to be around for you." It came out so casually, he immediately felt he needed to dial it back. "For the case or whatever."

A hush deafened their corner of the room.

"I didn't ask you to do that, Castle. You don't need to give up anything on my account," she replied almost defensive, because that's what her armor did. "I'm a big girl. I can handle things just fine on my own."

Rick looked up from his plate. "Yeah, well, I've never witnessed a miracle before. Maybe I want to be around to see what it looks like if you ever finally figure out you don't have to, Beckett."

That stung.

**xxxx**

Having graciously held off for most of the day, a light rain began to fall only after they arrived in the village, one more stop for gas and a lot of silence between them later. Rick had paid for the last tank, come away from his trip inside to the cashier with a recommendation for a place they might stay while they were in town and a set of directions to get them there.

Kate pulled up next to the sign in the parking lot pointing toward the office of the Lake Heaven Motel and shut down the bike, waited for Rick to climb off before she moved. They both removed their helmets and she relieved him of his, hung one from each of the handlebars and drew her hands through her hair.

The air around them wasn't heavy, but the air between them was, and it took a minute of pretending it wasn't before either of them said anything.

"Stay with the bike. I'll go find out the deal here."

"No, I'll go," he insisted, already stepping off. "It's one of the few things I actually can do."

The sputtering neon out front indicated they had vacancies, and though upon first impression it looked like the sort of place she almost wished didn't, her body was stiff and she wasn't in the mood to drive around aimlessly searching for another, certainly not with the drizzle.

She checked her phone while she waited, saw her father had called back, extending their game of tag, but opted to hold off on a return for the time being and let the voicemail sit unplayed. Rick came walking down the path a few minutes later, tossed a cheesy, diamond-shaped key ring to her. It practically glowed in her hand, the very same pink as the neon, the numbers on it worn like the door it would open, she presumed.

"It's Room 17, around the corner by the pool. And don't worry, there are two beds. It was the best they could do on the ground floor. I figured you'd want to have the bike close."

"Wait, we're staying in the same room?"

"Unless you want to drive around in the rain to find something else, we are. Based on your reaction, it's clearly a big deal. Look, we can go somewhere different tomorrow, okay? Right now, I just want to stand in a hot shower for an hour, and trust me, if we have to share a room tonight, you're going to appreciate that."

It was like something out of a movie, a classic scenario of epically cliché proportion: A man and a woman, forced by fate to share a motel room, the tension between them palpable and oh so complicated. Only it wasn't a movie. It was supposed to be Kate's very real get-the-hell-out-of-town-and-away-from-all-of-it life, and if this was some part of Royce's plan from beyond about to how she was supposed to move forward, if this was him having a bit of fun, Kate wasn't laughing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Rick had offered Kate use of the shower first but-and to his pleasure-she'd deferred, not out of generosity but out of unrevealed need of more time to try and acclimate herself to the idea of their current arrangement, and doing that off her feet had seemed the safer choice.

Of course they were both adults. Of course they knew how to control themselves. They'd been doing it for three years. Well, except for one night in one alley when control went by the wayside in the name of case strategy-or so they'd never agreed to call it, since they hadn't spoken of it since.

That part had probably been a mistake, the kiss not as much. After all, it'd accomplished its goal. But now it suddenly felt like the elephant in the motel room, at least for Kate.

She could hear the subtle variations in the way the water fell to the shower's basin as Rick shifted his body beneath the spray, and smell the scent of whatever soap such places provided their guests escaping from beneath the crack in the door. The union of the two had her senses simultaneously stirred and soothed, and her mind racing.

He'd taken in with him from his backpack only what he'd needed, left the rest out on the bed he'd been designated to once she'd chosen, and she was battling a naughty itch to steal a peek. With the NYPD she'd investigated hundreds of crime scenes, but in that moment, she wasn't a detective. She had no badge clipped to her belt to flash in explicative defense. She was merely a woman, alone in a bedroom for the first time with the man she craved, and from that her job couldn't protect her.

Kate hadn't moved from where she sat for the duration of his absence-one he'd rightly assured her wouldn't be brief-and only realized it when his whistle came echoing through the hollow door, bursting the dreamlike bubble she'd been lost in. She couldn't recognize the song, only that his spirit seemed lighter than it had when he'd left her, and she could only wish the same for herself.

"Not bad for seventy bucks a night," Rick declared when he emerged, the fragrant cloud he carried out with him and across her path intoxicatingly masculine. She felt his eyes linger when he passed, and tried coolly to calm the goose bumps that speckled her skin as a result. "Your shirt is…" He pointed rather than verbalized, and with examination she found the collar of her tee had spilled over the curve of her shoulder, exposing her skin. "I hope I left enough hot water for you."

A heavy dose of cold would've suited her, anyway, but she politely dismissed his concern. Reaching across the bed for her bag, she stepped into the bathroom doorway, turned back. "I think I'm going to take a walk after I finish in here, just get some air for a little bit. Maybe while I'm out you can find us a place to grab something to eat later."

Rick glanced up from his phone now in hand. "Sure, whatever you want. If you end up deciding you'd rather do something alone, that's fine, too. I know this is a lot of me you didn't expect. I'm sorry."

She hated that he was apologizing. She hated more that she didn't know how to tell him why.

**xxxx**

"I'm actually out of the city for a couple of days," Kate told her father from a bench beneath a local shop's awning. The rain was still falling, but that hadn't dissuaded her from a walk around town, the necessity of some distance from Rick to catch her breath greater than her care of the weather. "Yeah, I brought the bike up to Lake George."

"Well, that sounds nice. Just be careful, Katie. Wear your helmet."

Kate smiled softly. "I'm always careful, Dad," she said in the same way she always did because he always cautioned. "And I always do. You don't have to worry."

"It's my job as your father, so slim chance of that, I'm afraid." He took a pause. "Katie, are you sure you're okay? I know how you like to deal with stuff on your own, but losing someone you care about like that-or any way, for that matter-isn't a small thing."

They both knew all too well what an understatement that was.

"Maybe being up here will help, Dad. I don't know. Royce used to spend time here, so something about it felt right." She didn't mention Rick was with her. Those were inevitable questions she didn't much want to answer. "I'll call you when I get back so we can plan something, okay? I miss you."

After they hung up, she ducked into the wine shop she was sitting in front of, certain her night would benefit from the liquid aid, and then headed for the motel with two bottles and a corkscrew in hand.

Upon her return, she found Rick kicked back on the bed, the television on with the sound muted and his phone to his ear. "If it happens again, Mother, which it better not, the password is-" He hesitated since she was in the room, but he had no other choice than to go on. "It's…Beckett. Now, behave yourselves, and please make sure my house is still standing when you leave."

"What was that about?" Kate pulled the wine from its wet paper bag and set it on the dresser. "What am I your password for?"

"My mother somehow managed to set off the alarm out at the house, and not only could she not figure out how to turn it off, though she's been going there for years, she had no idea what the passcode was when the alarm company called. They had to call me to get it. The whole group of them is probably deaf by now. The thing must've been screaming for ten minutes."

Kate chuckled at how Martha it seemed. "Guess I know how to break in now and get away with it. I'll have to do a records search for the address when I can get back to the precinct."

"That's right. You still haven't been there. Last time I invited you, you were-busy."

They both remembered the last time he invited her, and the awkward moment they were suddenly in the middle of told of that. She'd broken things off with Demming. He'd asked his ex-wife to go in her place. One of those things had happened too slowly, the other too quickly.

"Maybe someday," she said. The memory of that summer still pricked. "Did you, um, did you find someplace for dinner?"

Rick pushed off the bed and reached up so high in stretch that his shirt crept up over his hips, which Kate, of course, couldn't help but flash on.

"I figured you'd probably want to walk rather than take the bike. Or, to be perfectly honest, my ass wants to walk so it doesn't have to sit on the bike again right now. There's actually a little pizza joint up the way a couple of blocks, if you feel like sharing one. Wine always pairs nicely with Italian." He wandered over to the dresser, picked up a bottle in each hand and tossed her a look. "Thirsty?"

"Since when do you need an excuse, Castle?"

"Oh, I definitely don't. It's just, if I'd known, I would've tossed a few mini bottles of scotch in my bag before we left. I always end up with some extra after I travel for book signings." He shrugged. "Flight attendants have a thing for me."

Kate stepped in front of the mirror on the wall, pulled her wet hair out of its elastic and gathered it up anew. "But who doesn't, right, Castle?" she asked with every ounce of sarcasm she could muster.

"Probably best I leave that one alone," he mumbled and went back to the bed for his shoes.

**xxxx**

They both ordered a couple of beers with dinner-an added benefit of being able to walk to the restaurant-and with the rain stopped and the clouds thinned by the time they finished, they decided to stay out and walk off some of the calories, wander from the main drag and explore town a bit.

The moon was bright and the stars equally so, their show beyond anything the pair could expect to appreciate amidst the light in the city. Near the end of the strip, hidden behind a wooden gate they came upon that'd seen too many years without attention, was a path bathed in darkness by trees whose branches drooped across either side.

"Don't even think about it, Castle. That's what gates are for, to keep people out."

"Says the woman I've seen kick down doors. Come on, no one's around, and we aren't from here. We can claim ignorance if we get caught."

Kate pursed her lips, which, naturally, he didn't see since he'd already helped himself to entry. "I swear I don't know why I ever listen to you," she said before following him through.

Every step was a delicate one, because they could barely see one foot in front of the other, even with the celestial help, and it was more than once that she bumped into him along the way, toward a clearing they eventually came to.

"Wow," was all she could say when the lake came into view, its placid water glowing blue with the moonlight waltzing on it. "Castle-"

"_This_ is why you listen to me." Pleased with himself didn't begin to describe the lilt in his voice. "Want to see how close we can get?"

Not three minutes before, she'd been against the exploration altogether, but suddenly Kate had her palm pressed into Rick's back, encouraging him onward. "Go. Just be careful, Castle, because I'm not coming in after you if you fall in."

"Color me surprised," he quipped and led on.

They weren't able to get down to the lake's edge, but they did end up on some kind of raised dock above a tiny beach. Looking back, they could see the lights of town, but they were dim enough with their distance not to invade the rewards of their trespass.

"This is amazing," Kate said aloud, though more an escaped thought than a deliberate statement. She stepped up to the railing, tested it with a push of a finger for worthiness and then settled against it with its earned trust.

Rick gave her some room, stood away on the opposite end but kept a watchful eye. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for being there, like he'd pushed his way into her grieving space even though she'd extended him the invitation. She was still protective of that part of herself, and the last thing he wanted to do-again-was to make the mistake of barreling through a door she'd only opened a crack.

"Royce used to come here." She talked, but faced the lake, in her pocket his letter curled in her palm. "I'd forgotten that until we were on the road. There was a sign." Rick wasn't sure if she meant one literal or figurative, but he let her go on either way. "I never told him I forgave him for what happened. I never even reached out after I arrested him. He got to apologize and I never did, and I hate myself for that."

"That won't bring him back, Kate. Royce knew you, and he loved you like you loved him. You didn't have to tell him." She turned her head as if set to offer objection, but didn't. "It's not always easy to say the things we want to. Especially to the people we love." He stood there a minute, wondered if he should fill the silence that followed or let her be, but it was Kate that talked into it.

"You want to play a game, Castle?"

Rick took a step. He wasn't surprised by her abandonment of the exchange. "You know me. I never say no to winning. What game will I be winning at this evening?"

"First one to see a shooting star. And no cheating."

"Excuse me, Ms. Beckett, but I resent the implication. However, if the prize is worthy, I _might_ be persuaded not to walk away from this competition before it ever starts." He went on without a breath. "Might I suggest, in keeping with our chat just now, the loser has to say something to the winner that isn't easy for them to say, and, yes, before you ask, wine can be involved."

Kate's usual reflex would've been to rebuff the idea, but that wasn't what happened in her hasty effort to mock. "That's good, Castle. You'll need it so your throat doesn't get too dry."

Rick crouched beside her before they both stretched out on their backs, the wood of the dock damp underneath them from the rain.

"Hey, remember ten seconds ago when you thought you were funny?" he asked. "Stick to the cop shop. Leave jokes to the professionals."

"No cheating, Castle," she warned him again.

"Yeah, yeah. Quiet and look up."

**xxxx**

He didn't stop gloating the entire way back to the motel, and Kate wanted to give him shit for it, but the fact was he'd won fair and square. The worst part was that they'd both seen the same star-the only one during the thirty minutes they'd been out there-but he'd managed to squeal about it first.

Now she'd have to pay the price, and in more ways than one.

"You're having some, yes?" Rick asked of the wine, already twisting at its cork.

"Nothing says classy like drinking pinot from a cup you've just pulled out of plastic wrap. And, yes, I'm definitely having some. I just want to change first. I'm wet from that damn dock, and it's freezing in here. Do you have to have the A/C so low, Castle?"

He looked over his shoulder toward the wall unit before he poured. "I'll turn it up some, but we have to keep the fan on. It's the only way not to hear the creepy things that go on at night in these places."

Kate's forehead scrunched. "Thank you for that. Make sure my glass is full," she said and shut the bathroom door. When she came out in her shorts and tank top a couple of minutes later, she found him in the middle of changing, wearing only his boxers, a fresh t-shirt in his hand. "Oh, sorry, I'll…sorry." She spun around like a top, slammed her eyes closed, like they hadn't already feasted.

"Beckett, I'm a guy. I don't have any bits hanging out that I need to be embarrassed about, nor do you. Relax." Meanwhile, beneath his cool exterior, his heart was beating with equal force. He'd seen some of her, too, but never that much of her, and in such proximity. "Your wine is on the nightstand," he informed as he pulled the shirt over his head. "And I did bump the air up a few degrees."

She folded down the comforter on her bed and climbed in, scooted over to the side nearest the furniture between them. "Thanks. I'm sure a couple glasses of this'll help." She watched as he got into bed, too, a peculiar episode it turned out. "What the hell was that, Castle?"

"What was what?"

"You barely squeezed in there. The covers aren't glued down, you know. They do move."

"Oh, right, yeah, if we'd slept together, you'd know." His head snapped forward. "Okay, that came out wrong. Erase that. I always tend to wake up with a messy bed, but I like to fall asleep all tucked in. I don't know it happens. I must run a marathon every night or something."

Kate swallowed a generous gulp because his slip had demanded it of her. "I'm sure the women you bring home must find that terribly charming, waking up with bruises all over them."

"Take my word for it. It's worth it," he replied with a smug sip of his own, and Kate's imagination exploded like a fireworks display in July.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

At a certain point, rather than have to keep getting up to top off their motel-issue plastic cups, Rick had just brought both bottles of wine over to the nightstand for ready access. They'd already polished off one and were into the other, Kate's cheeks rosy with the warm glow of the grapes swirling in her blood, and he had a front row seat for every girlish giggle.

Stretched out across his bed on his stomach, pillows tucked beneath his chin, he hung on her every word, story after story about early days on the job, her time at the Academy and afterward with Royce. He'd already had a taste of their bond those months ago, direct from her mentor's mouth before things had gone bad, but there was something in Kate's telling, in her sharing with her own voice, that struck him more compelling than any story he himself had ever told.

Rick was a man profoundly in love, and that he couldn't have the woman of his desire, that she went home at night to another man's bed, invited that man to hers, was of no consequence to his heart. There was only the pure truth of it, and there was nothing to be done.

"I wish you could see the smile that hits your eyes when you talk about Royce," he said. "Could make a guy jealous with that kind of smile." He drank because the frequency of the motion had already become habit. "I think he'd be honored you came here, to a place that had special meaning in his life."

Kate was still beneath the covers, her legs kicked out and ankles crossed as though she was as relaxed as she'd ever been, but it was merely an act by a desperate woman attempting to convince herself of that fiction. The reality was there was an ache inside of her, and not only because of Royce. Her bravery's absence as she sat there in Rick's proximity felt painful, because for all it'd given, it'd now abandoned her when she needed it most.

_Risking our hearts is why we're alive_.

Royce's words on the page-a notion she, too, allowed herself to subscribe to in the secret corners of her mind-were a call to action in black and white, and she just kept hearing her own voice over and over again in her mind: _Kate,_ _if not now, when?_

"Is the Hamptons like that for you? Is that, like, your special place?"

"Why, are you making a note, just in case?" Rick asked humorously.

"I thought I was making conversation, Castle." She yawned and tried to hold as much of it in as she could, but not well. "Isn't that what we're doing?"

"What you're doing is falling asleep." He pushed up onto all fours and then to his knees, set aside his cup. "What I'm doing is taking that wine out of your hand so we don't end up having to pay for a comforter we probably shouldn't even be within ten feet of without a hazmat suit on."

"Stop," she said when he moved to the edge of the bed to cross their divide. "I'm fine. Tell me where your damn place is."

Rick let his body fall back until he was staring up at the ceiling. "Okay, now you're getting testy and it sounds like we're fighting. I don't want to fight, Beckett." Recalling the strained moments that'd ended their lunch, he fisted his hair in both hands, pondered in his buzz whether he should give her the answer that was true or the answer that was easy. After all, he'd won their little game of stars. He didn't owe the truth.

"Christ, all I did was ask you a simple question, Castle."

"Nothing's ever simple with you," he snapped and knew instantly he couldn't put it back in the bottle, wine or otherwise. "It never has been and it probably never will be."

Kate's spine straightened like a ruler.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you don't want to hear my answer, Kate, because it isn't simple. It's messy and it's complicated, and you like pretty bows on things. You don't want to hear that the only place I ever want to be is where you are. You don't want to hear that you're my place. You like jobs you can hide in, and men you can keep in the dark about what happens inside of you when you hang that ring around your neck every day. And where is Josh right now, by the way? Why the hell am I the one here with you tonight, Kate?"

Had he been looking, he would've seen the tug of war between her brain and her heart manifested in the tears that abruptly pooled in her eyes. How they'd arrived at that place from the laughter of moments before felt like some bizarre trick of time, like she'd lost hours or days and then woken in darkness.

"You know, it must be so nice for you, Rick, to have such a perfect goddamned life that you can just spend all your time worrying about everyone else's, and not that I owe you any explanation, but I'm not seeing Josh anymore."

A long minute passed before Rick sat up, another before he was able to recover his voice to ask.

"What are you talking about?"

Kate hadn't expected to say it, and that it'd come out in anger had her even more knotted. Pushing out of the sheets, she moved around for the bathroom, pausing at the dresser to leave her cup. "There you go, Castle. There's your prize, my not easy thing. Congratulations," she said without turning back, and then closed herself inside.

**xxxx**

When she came back out-multiple hits of cold water to the face later-Rick was sitting with his head hung, at the side of his bed nearest hers. She flipped off the overhead light on her way past the switch, leaving only the single bulb stationed above the nightstand to illuminate the room, and at that task it failed admirably.

Kate perched opposite him, pushed her chilled hands beneath her thighs in search of warmth and flinched with the jolt to her unsuspecting skin. She opened her mouth to say something, though she had no idea what words were supposed to come out, but he rescued her and began first.

"I know you don't owe me anything. I know I stepped over the line. I shouldn't have said those things. I had no right to say those things. This time, here, is about you and Royce, nothing else, and if you want me to go, I understand. I'll go."

"That's not what I want, Castle. Look, this has all been really hard for me, and there are things about it I haven't even told you, but you make hard things less hard, and I feel better when I'm around you, even when we're not…at our best."

Rick smiled softly, gave a nod. "Maybe some sleep," he said and stood up, "before I end up sticking my foot in my mouth again." He went off to clean up, and Kate slid back into bed and curled up, the chill of her hands now running through her entire body. It wasn't until he returned and extinguished the last bit of light that she spoke.

"Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I…Would you hold me tonight?"

"Of course, I'll hold you whenever you need me to. Your bed or mine?" With her reply, he tiptoed to the far side and climbed in behind her. His body was warm and his touch gentle when he found her hip and settled into her curl, let his fingers nestle around her waist until she wrapped them in her own.

"I'm sorry it hasn't been easier," Kate whispered in the dark, the fan purring in the corner, drowning out the rest of the world.

He lifted his head from the spill of her hair, pressed his lips to the bare skin of her shoulder. "God, please don't, Kate," he said without breaking the contact. "I don't want you to apologize."

"Am I going to wake up on the floor in the morning?" she asked after a minute, lighter. "Should I toss some pillows down there or something?"

"Still trying at the comedy thing, huh?" He nudged her with his knee. "How about you stop talking and let me get some sleep. I have a marathon to rest up for."

Her body twitched against his with her snicker. And then they were quiet.

**xxxx**

A pronounced hiss escaped Rick when his clumsy, morning toe accidentally kicked the corner of the bed as he made his way back through the motel door and across the room to the dresser. Now, not only had the beating rain soaked him to the bone, but a hearty splash of the hot coffee he'd carried all the way down the block through it had just added insult to his throbbing injury.

He'd managed to sneak out without Kate waking, a wee stir all his moving about had elicited, but his return was far less graceful, and without her even having made a sound, he could hear the displeasure in her voice.

"I tried, Beckett, really. I was…My toe just…" He spun on the ball of his well foot, found her already propped up against the headboard that'd never known a can of polish, and had to fight to withhold a gasp. "Wow." He quickly shook out of it. "Sorry, I forgot how gorgeous you look when you first wake up."

"Castle, you're staring." Not that there wasn't a twitch of arousal in it, but she felt self-conscious just the same. "And you're dripping wet. How have you already been out?" She angled for the clock. "It's barely 8am. On a Saturday."

Suddenly, he grabbed his tee behind his neck and pulled it over his head, leaving him standing there in only his jeans like some kind of one-man show for which she had the only ticket.

"I think I just slept really deep, and I don't know if that was the wine or the company, but I woke up early and felt energized." He hopped with a wince nearer the bathroom and tossed his shirt inside. "I brought you some coffee and a muffin, by the way. Granted I'm wearing some of the coffee and you might be able to wring out the muffin, but I tried."

What he was wearing-or not wearing-was perilously close to an invitation he hadn't actually sent, yet one Kate was growing increasingly anxious to accept. She hadn't woken energized, but the feeling was definitely rubbing off on her with the tick of moments.

"How far did you have to walk for this?" she asked when he handed off the cup, that graze of their fingers she relished having come along for the ride. "I can hear it out there. It sounds like it's pouring."

"Oh, I didn't walk. I took the bike."

"You-"

Rick chuckled when her forehead scrunched. "Please, I had a breakfast wish, not a death wish." He lowered himself to the bed-hers not his, though he had his pick-and sat, leaned back on his hands, the muscles of his upper arms rolling into position like he'd flipped a switch. "I turned the fan off before I left. Motel noises are a lot less creepy in the daylight, and I kind of figured you for a gal who might find the sound of a good rain a sexy sort of thing to listen to."

Kate swallowed down a sip of the coffee, didn't much care that hot had drifted to warm only that it tasted like heaven. "You figured correctly. And thank you for going out for this, Castle. It's good. Now, would you please get your wet ass off my bed?"

"Happy to make you happy," he said and dived over to the other mattress. "I think yours is more comfy than mine. That doesn't seem fair."

Tempted to suggest testing the theory, she promptly drew the cup back to her lips. Whatever had happened during the night, whatever his body wrapped around hers had done to her brain, she was actively battling to control, his state of undress a more formidable foe than she was prepared for.

"I um, I want to thank you for last night, too, Castle. It helped."

He rolled up onto his side. "I told you, my arms are at your service, always, especially since you smell so nice-just a side note. Is that going to be enough for you or do you need more?" The sip of coffee swirling around in her mouth nearly came dribbling out. "We can always go out and get some real breakfast, if you want."

Oh.

"Is it supposed to stop raining at some point? I don't know if I really feel like walking around in this."

Rick plucked his phone from his pocket and called up a local radar map, held out his arm for her to see.

"Well, I'm no meteorologist, but I'm guessing when there are a lot of colors like that that keep getting bigger, it's not a sign of imminent improvement. We could always stay here and have a movie day or something, order in? Then, if things are better later, we can head out for some air and do whatever you want."

Kate let her eyes slide to the television and back to him. "I kind of doubt this place has HBO, Castle," she remarked though the proposal held appeal.

"Or porn, I checked," he replied with a sigh. "But, have no fear. Richard Castle is here to save the day, again. If I dig through my bag over there, I shall find the solution to our rainy day blues: iPad. As long as the Wi-Fi holds up, we're golden."

"You sure know how to take a break and get away from it all, Castle."

He did a scissor kick and bounced to his feet. "Don't pretend you're not suddenly thrilled by my addiction to toys. If not for this thing…" he said reaching in and pulling the iPad out, "what else would we do to pass the time?"

They locked eyes and lingered too long for Kate's comfort.

"I think I'm going to jump in a shower, actually, try and wake up a little bit." It was a good thing she was trained in the art of the fib because she was plenty awake. She was humming with awake. "Do you need to-?" She pointed toward the bathroom, but Rick waved her off.

"I'm good. I need to get these pants off and dry them out, but I can do that here." Just before she closed the door behind her, he got in one last twist of the titillation knife. "Hey, make sure to save some hot water for me this time, huh? I'm going to come in there after you."

As if she needed another fantasy to carry in with her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

They were seated elbow to elbow on Kate's bed, both freshly showered and as comfortable as the proximity allowed, which, had each been asked to rate, probably would've landed somewhere on the comfort scale between _Sweet agony _and _Not at all._

The early rain shower had mutated into a storm, and the room had fallen into its darkness, save for that lone bulb, which flickered in fear when another bolt of lightning snapped overhead. The motel electricity's surrender felt but seconds away, and absent their solitary mode of distraction, one that would likewise fall victim, what they'd be left with was only each other.

"I assume you know a guy in weather, too, Castle? Pretty convenient a storm hits when it's my movie of choice we're watching."

"Hey, maybe the big man upstairs just really wanted to go bowling at…" He shot the clock a glance. "Maybe 10:47am is when he likes to hit the lanes, or maybe he just doesn't share your love of Julia Roberts. Either way, I'm afraid if the power goes out in this place, we may never be heard of again."

Kate smiled with the jolt to her memory. "My mom used to tell me that when I was kid. You just reminded me-the thunder being God bowling. It worked every time."

"It's a good one, and it's even kind of a sweet thought as an adult, actually." The action on his iPad's screen paused on its own, buffered again with another hiccup of the WiFi. "I can't believe I forgot to pack cards. I always pack cards on road trips. Oh, hey, speaking of trips, I don't think I told you. I'm flying out to L.A. at the end of next week to visit the set of the Heat movie and hang out for a couple of days. I'll be sure to give Natalie your love when I see her," he said with a smirk.

She gave him the side-eye, responded with mock disillusionment. "She never calls. She never writes." Then, after a pause, what'd actually been her first thought. "Are you guys going to hang out?"

Rick swiped the iPad from his lap and shook it, like that was going to help solve anything. "You know, I think I'm probably going to be washing my hair that night. You could always come with me and help keep me entertained." He gave up on his gadget, tossed it aside with scorn. "Useless."

"Castle, have you and your mom ever had a contest to see which of you could be more dramatic? You can't just sit for two seconds and enjoy the sound of the rain?"

She let her eyes close, tried to immerse herself in the harmony of sounds beyond the walls of their room. The storm hadn't yet landed upon them with its full force, but it was bearing down, and the wind was whistling through the tiny imperfections in the weathered door.

Whether or not she was aware of it he couldn't be sure, but he was watching her, not a cop at work, fierce and hard, but a woman at peace, and before he even realized it was happening, he found himself leaning in.

Suddenly a roar of thunder, and he jumped straight off the bed, scurried away. The intervention had his heart pumping, and he could feel the expression on Kate's face as she watched him flit around like a bird in a cage.

"What the hell are you doing, Castle? It was thunder, not a bomb," she said through a chuckle. "Relax."

"I just-I almost just kissed you." His fingers whipped through his hair. "I have no idea what that was. One second I was looking at you and the next, I don't know what. Okay, I need to…I'm going to go into the bathroom and do something. I'm not sure what, but something. Did I say I'm not sure what that was? I meant to."

Mostly Kate wanted to laugh, and that would've been right, because that's what he always gave her. But there was also a whisper from out of the blue, a voice-Royce's voice. _The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, 'if only.' _Like he was sitting there beside her she heard it, and with him in her ear, she slid to the end of the bed and set her feet on the floor.

Rick had stopped moving when she'd started, but when she finally stood, he took one step toward her, and then another, until the only step that remained was hers.

"I don't want you to almost kiss me," she told him and his knees nearly gave out at the softness of it. "And I don't want you to go."

In what happened next, she felt more herself than she had in any moment they'd ever spent together.

** xxxx **

That a thing could seem at once so improbable and so real had never been more purely evidenced to him than by the seizing of his mouth by hers, and were it not for all the other places on his body it'd affected, the only conclusion he surely would've been able to arrive at was that he hadn't yet woken that morning, that what'd just happened had been a dream.

With his eyes still closed and his lips parted, Rick stood frozen in their shared space like a statue, hoping when he opened them he'd find the speckled green of Kate's eyes staring back at him in plea of more, as he'd fantasized about each day he'd known her.

"Castle," he heard, faint. "What are you thinking?"

"That's a very generous assumption. You're giving me way too much credit right now."

"What else is new?" she quipped in that Beckett voice he was so accustomed to, one that worked to help snap him back.

The things that were new could fill a book.

"Wow. That was unexpected and nice." His head dropped back and he lingered a few seconds in his squirrelly response. "If I'd known that was coming, I would've zapped the WiFi myself." He reached out and drew his hand down the length of her arm. "Are you okay?" he asked as though he felt he should make sure he hadn't done something wrong.

Kate smiled with her eyes, trailed his touch the entire way. "I'm fine, Castle, and just so you know, sometimes the simplest words are the best ones," she added of the choice of descriptors he'd seemed to consider deficient. She'd found them rather sweet.

"That's good to hear, because I'm pretty much stuck in _Pat the Bunny_ mode at the moment. I'm not even sure how many words I still know."

She hooked him by his shirt with a gentle tug. "That good, huh?" It was a question she already knew the answer to, both because she had the buzz of a second pour of wine and he a newfound preoccupation with her lips. "Maybe if I'd known _that_ was coming, I would've done it a long time ago. You know, to shut you up."

With a pop, the already feeble light in the room vanished into shadows.

Rick rested a hand on her cheek and grazed his thumb along its curve, his manner shifting. "I don't think I could ever make you understand how much I wish you had. Every time I've ever looked at you, I've thought about it." His focus then appeared to drift. "Especially that time at that nightclub."

Kate knew precisely the night and the dance floor he alluded to, the unpreventably brief moments that hadn't felt like work. "I haven't been immune to an occasional thought, I guess," she admitted coyly, dropping to the edge of the bed to sit.

With her shift, he moved around in front of her, leaned with his back against the dresser. "You know, even in the dark, I can still see how beautiful you are. Man, you do not realize how heavy that's been to carry around for three years and never say it."

"I don't?" she asked because she did. Stillness hung between them and their gaze and then passed. "Castle…" He hummed his own inquisitive reply. "Are you waiting for some sort of engraved invitation?"

"Should I be?" Whatever boundaries there now were, he wasn't certain, but upon her green light, he advanced in effort to find out.

**xxxx**

The rain left behind a chill in the air, but not one of such effect that it kept them inside for the duration of the day. Following a healthy session of what would be considered by many to be relatively tame horizontal exploration of one another, they set out for the local grocery and some takeout.

"Whatever, Castle, you already told me you didn't like the woods. Honestly, you'd probably combust if you had to live in a place like this," Kate snickered as they walked the crowd-free sidewalk, their arms brushing in kiss whenever their paths inadvertently drifted wayward. "I'm surprised you can even handle the beach."

"I know what I told you, thank you, and I'm not sure what you're implying, Detective, but the air up here is as sharp as that tongue of yours and my lungs are on some kind of a high."

Kate drew in her cheeks, bit at them kittenishly as she worked her retort. "You didn't seem to have any problem with my tongue a little while ago. In fact, you said it was-"

Rick abruptly stopped walking, forcing her to turn back. "Please believe me when I tell you that if you finish that sentence-out here, in broad daylight, amongst the people-you will pay a price, and it will be entirely your fault. After that, you may not be allowed to come back here at all, with or without me."

She crossed to him with the grin of a woman who achieved exactly what she set out to, pushed up on her tiptoes to give him a peck when she felt her phone buzz. It was Javi and off-hours, both of which had her answering straight away.

"Espo," she said moving off the sidewalk and wandering a bit ahead, not that she intended to keep whatever it was from Rick, but rather the surprise of it inspired an instant restlessness.

"Hey, I wanted you to hear it from me first. We brought a guy in on Royce. I don't make him as the doer, but if he knows who is, we'll get it out of him. I can't give you more than that because I have to fly, but this is a good something and I wanted you to have it."

In an unoccupied parking space, Kate took a seat on the edge of the curb. "Thank you, Javi. I'm…"

"I know you are," he said. "You hangin' in there? Talk to Castle?"

Her mind preoccupied by the news-however limited it was-she didn't think before she spoke. "Yeah, he's up here with me, act-" Too many words had come out to backtrack, and though she hadn't really said anything condemnable, she knew what'd happened between the two of them that Javi didn't, and the blush was enough to cut her short. "Yeah, I did."

"'K, whatever that means." He was suspicious, or his interest was piqued, at least, and she'd managed to plant that seed on her own. "I'm out but I'll call."

Kate tucked her phone away and Rick came up behind her. "Was that something about the case? Royce?"

"Yeah, they aren't sure exactly what, yet, but Espo wanted to let me know there was movement."

He nudged her with his knee. "You have good partners," he told her, and despite referring only to her team back at the precinct, when she looked up at him and agreed, he knew he'd been included. "Come on, up. Cookies, chocolate, and Chow Mein await."

**xxxx**

They hit the market first, and for items of want, not need-mainly. Kate had developed a craving for oatmeal cookies and Rick a Snickers bar, after an earlier joke he'd made about something that "really satisfied" had called to mind the candy bar's tagline, and earned him a roll of the eyes.

They strolled the aisles together for a couple of minutes before she proposed he head over to pick up the order of Chinese they'd already called in, told him casually that she'd grab them some drinks to go along with it and meet him out front. She didn't feel terribly casual on the inside, though.

It wasn't decided, not yet, not that she even knew if it'd be a conscious decision as much as a yielding by necessity. After all, the hunger had been inside of her for three years, and the relief gifted by what she'd succeeded in asking for that morning, while satiating, could only hold for so long, especially given the temptation aroused by their current residence.

So, to go along with their shared list of items, she included something for herself in the purchase-for them-slipping the small box of maybe into the inside pocket of her jacket before she walked out.

"All set?" Rick was already waiting. "They were just filling the cartons when I got there, so it's still steamy. Do you want me to run in and get another bottle of wine quick on the way back or are you all wined out after last night?"

"No, you can. I'm good."

A couple of blocks closer to the motel, Rick ducked into the same wine shop Kate had visited, and with the generosity of the afternoon light, she was able to watch through the window as he weaved his way through its bottles and racks.

The entire reason for his being around her, for his being in her life, had been built upon his observation of her, and as she stood there, after what'd taken place between them, doing the very thing he did every day-watching-it felt almost like she was seeing him with new eyes, and it nearly brought tears to them.

When he reached the counter, she watched as he came to the aid of the woman trying to carry too many bottles with too few hands who stepped into line behind him, relieving her burden and allowing her to transact first, all of which he did with a smile. Underneath everything he appeared to be at hasty glance-the jokes and the toys and the egotism-what she'd witnessed was the man he was, always, and all of it had become the man she loved.

"Geesh, are you _finally_ ready?" he teased when he emerged, but rather than laugh, Kate pressed a tender kiss to his lips. "What was that for?"

She had too many reasons, and their food was getting cold.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The near-empty containers of Chinese food they'd left sat spread out on Rick's bed atop a spare towel from the bathroom, he and Kate stretched out on hers with their feet at opposite ends, and whether or not he imagined he was being subtle about his absorption in her, he, in fact, was not.

"If you want to say something, Castle, say it with your mouth. I'm too full to play guessing games," she told him, drawing her palm to her belly in apology and letting it rest. "God, it was worth it, though." Her words drifted into a sigh. "So good."

His fingers were busy working the muscles of her feet, kneading and stroking, and with audible effect. "The food or my hands?" he asked, sincerely unsure but hopeful.

"Yes," was her comeback, as well as a masked plea for more. "So, are you going to tell me? What's going on with you tonight?"

Why he suddenly found himself preoccupied by it he didn't know, and though he supposed it really shouldn't matter when all was said and done, that particular curiosity, if left dangling, was one that would never stop nipping at him.

"What happened with Josh? And before you say it, I know it's none of my business, and I can live with that answer if that's what it's going to be. I just, I look at you and I listen to you and I can't seem to understand how in the hell anyone could ever let you go."

Words like that would be her undoing that night, especially if coupled with his touch, she knew, but because they didn't find her as easily, a response came only after a long moment of searching for the right ones.

"It wasn't really something that happened, Castle. It was more something that never did, and that I realized never would."

As she lay there, she was still carrying Royce's letter. She had since Lanie gave it to her in the alley, so she went into her pocket and pulled it out, offered it to Rick without commentary.

"Is this-?" He'd been there. He recognized it immediately.

"Read it. I want you to," Kate said and then waited in the silence as he did, the unoccupied hand he had wrapped around her ankle unknowingly offering a modicum of calming relief from the buzz of her anticipation.

The paper crinkled after some time-longer than she'd expected given his proficiency at reading with speed-and then he said but two words. "We do."

_It's clear that you and Castle have something real._

She rolled up onto her elbow so she could better see his face. "I know. And I knew it before, but hearing it in Royce's voice just…"

"Hey, come here. Bring that full belly of yours up here." Rick reached out for her, guided her into his lap when she submitted. "I'm sure that wasn't easy for you. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"Royce saw it, too." Kate's fingertip explored one of the smile lines at the corner of his eye as she talked. "After so little time, he knew."

"And I knew I liked the guy for a reason," he said, winning a smile. "Kate, I want you to listen to me, okay? We're going to take this as slow as you want to take this. I mean, I'm sure after this morning's test drive you must be salivating for more, but for you, for us, I'm good with a beginning. That's where all the best buildup happens, anyway, in the early chapters."

He couldn't help himself, of course. He never could. Humor was the armor he wore, after all, and while it may well have been in jest, his suggestion wasn't one rooted wholly in fantasy. She'd bought what she'd bought, prepared how she'd prepared, and though she'd told herself it would be a circumstance of wait-and-see, sitting there now in the cradle of his arms, she could no longer remember what the hell it was she'd wanted to wait for.

"Okay, so, Chapter 1 was dinner. Maybe Chapter 2 is a movie? We didn't get to finish the one we started this morning."

"That actually worked out pretty well, though. No offense to Julia, of course. But, I am enjoying the idea of being alone with you in the dark again, and we do still have our snacks."

"You can't be serious, Castle. You still have room for more food? I feel like I ate a Buick."

"I'm sure there's a compliment in there somewhere I could pull about you looking like a Cadillac, but I ate too much. I can't think that cleverly at the moment."

With the hint of a grin, she slanted for his neck and let her lips glide across his skin. "Is that why? I thought maybe it was some other reason." The tip of her tongue sampled and retreated. "My mistake," she said and spun off his lap to the floor. "I'll be back in a minute. Pick a movie, Castle, whatever you want."

Honestly, she knew it wasn't going to matter much what movie it was. They weren't going to end up seeing much of it, anyway.

**xxxx**

Rick's iPad had been shoved aside only a few scenes in, their bodies horizontal by bulb-light in less time than that, and by the purr of the room's fan, which he'd already engaged, the two were moving swiftly toward a place each had only dreamed of.

"I know I keep saying it, but you really do smell incredible," he uttered in an exhale, dipping for another hit. "You know that's one of the quickest ways to a man's…nose, don't you?" Kate giggled, granted his appetite the added access it'd silently demanded, and subsequently rewarded his gratification with her own. "Also, I guess we really suck at watching movies together."

When she tugged him from his current fixation on her clavicle by the hair, he grumbled in objection. "_You_ suck at knowing when not to talk. Aren't you tired of talking, Castle?" She swallowed his attempt at a response with a searing kiss that he met and matched with equal fire, and before he knew it, she had him on his back and was straddling his hips.

"That would depend on what kind of talking, I suppose," he answered after a requisite gulp of air. "For example, right now, I don't know. I might enjoy talking about what it does to me when you look at me that way, or telling you how many nights I've fallen asleep thinking about you, or asking you how you like to be touched."

Kate felt her weight sink into him, like she'd been standing and fallen instantly lightheaded.

"Castle..." she whispered but couldn't manage a clear mind around more.

Slowly Rick pushed his weight up onto his elbows, then onto his hands, but he never took his eyes off her. "I forget my name when you look at me that way," he went on, drawing his arms around her waist and bringing her into his body. "And I fall asleep every night thinking about you."

She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him thoroughly with her lips and her tongue and her heart, the ache of it begging for the cure only having him could administer. When she broke, her fingers found the hem of her shirt and she lifted it free, let it fall where it may.

"I want you to touch me, Rick. I want to feel your hands on me." With her finger, she traced the curve of his lips. "I want to feel your tongue and your breath on my skin." Another kiss and a tiny moan escaped her throat, mingled with his. "I don't want to wait for this anymore."

As she had her own, she reached down and lifted Rick's shirt up over his head, and he pulled her in again, tight, possessive. "I won't ever be able to go back, Kate. Not after this, and if I had the words to tell you even half of what I feel for you, I might be able to make you understand that." He settled his forehead against her chest, unconsciously tickled circles along her back. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"This is everything I want." She inched back to capture his eye. "Castle, you are everything I want. I need you to hear me when I say that, even if this doesn't happen right now, even if you need more time to believe it. Nothing is going to change the way I feel. Nothing ever has."

The only part of his body that moved was his fingers, and with delicate guidance they separated the hook of her bra from the eye, let the lingerie of silken black slide from her shoulders and down her arms with its new freedom.

He pressed a kiss between her breasts and let his chin linger there, watched her watch him as she ran her fingers through his hair. Then, with a grimace born of his abrupt pain, it was time for him to break the unfortunate news. "I couldn't have known, Kate. I didn't-I don't have anything with me for this."

She leaned in for his ear. "Jacket pocket," she revealed and climbed from his lap so he could retrieve what she'd purchased in her earlier state of wonder. Once he did, he came back and stood for a moment at the foot of the bed with the box in his hand. "I told you this was what I wanted, Castle. It's what I want."

"Chocolate, cookies, and condoms. Oh, I'm definitely becoming a woods guy," he teased and jumped onto the bed like a kid.

**xxxx**

Rick emerged from the bathroom as naked as he went in, the view Kate was treated to upon his exit even more tantalizing than the last. It didn't matter that they'd spent the previous hour driving each other's bodies to the brink of pleasurable exhaustion, or that she'd still barely brought her breathing to calm, watching him strut across the room in his dopamine daze had her practically licking her lips in want of more.

"Do you mind if I turn the air down a little bit? If you get too cold, I can…help you with that," he said over his shoulder. Without wait of her approval, he fiddled with the dials on the old box, stood over it with his arms outstretched, and let the cool blast pour over him."

Kate lay back on the bed, exposed and without reserve, one leg fallen open, an arm acting as a makeshift pillow beneath her head. "I bet Natalie couldn't get you off like that," she opined drinking in the muscles of his back, of the arms that'd held her as she'd come down from the height he'd delivered her to. "That's what Nikki would say, isn't it?" she followed on the wide eyes he returned.

He fixed a hand to the wall to aid his promptly wavering balance. "Wow, I mistakenly thought that couldn't get sexier. I'm not sure I've ever been more thrilled to be wrong." When his legs allowed, he crossed to her, speckled a trail of kisses along the inside of her exposed thigh until he reached his true target, where his tongue left a hint of a promise. "You talk spicy, but you taste sweet."

Her teeth relinquished their clasp on her bottom lip, but not without need of urging. "Better than a Snickers?"

Rick crawled up her body, stopped when he got close enough to feel the warmth of her smile on his face. "Better than everything," he affirmed and took her mouth in a kiss that evidenced the level of his sincerity. "And satisfying doesn't even begin to scratch the surface." She folded her leg in around him. He settled at her breast.

"I could say the same thing, but I'm pretty sure you already heard how satisfied I was," she whispered.

"Hey, not to turn the fun all serious here, but can I ask you something? Well, another something?"

Kate's fingers stopped their lazy glide back and forth through his hair. "As long as it doesn't involve either of us moving. This position's actually kind of working for me at the moment."

He swiped a lazy tongue across her nipple and her body flinched with the tingle. "Me too, and don't worry, we don't have to. I was just thinking about something before, and I wondered if you'd ever done the same."

"What's that?"

"I was thinking about when it was I knew my feelings for you had become more than an attraction, when I knew I was in trouble," he teased.

In fun, Kate let him stew for a purposeful minute. "If that ever happens for me, Castle, I'll be sure to get back to you." She couldn't hold back from a giggle, and his playful pinch only added to it. "I don't know. I mean, I guess when you were offered the deal to write that other book series and you almost left, I remember the idea of not seeing you every day hurt my heart, and how much it hurt took me by surprise."

"That's funny," he murmured with no intention of it being heard.

"_Funny_?"

Rick curled his arm around her waist, held her snug. "Not like that, sorry. It's just that mine is similar, that's all. Not that I like bringing up my past mistakes, but when I pushed too far with your mom's case and you told me we were done and I had to go, it cracked me wide open." She angled and kissed the top of his head. "Knowing I'd hurt you and that I wouldn't have the chance to fix it or even to be around you anymore was one of the worst feelings of my life."

"Okay, this is getting depressing, Castle. We need to stop and get back to the part where you're naked and I'm naked, because we're going back to the real world tomorrow and there's no way in hell we're ever going to be able to find another bed as comfortable as this one to have sex on," she said in jest. "We really have to take advantage while we can."

His head popped up, as did his brow. "Does it have to be on a bed? You haven't seen my shower yet. I think you'll be impressed by its generous size." He began a measured slide back down her body, between the legs she had no intention of freeing him from until they both got what it was they wanted. "There's even a bench in there where you can sit while I…" His thought became action and his name a sigh on her lips when his tongue made contact in a single, lingering stroke.

"Fuck, I don't care where it is. Just do that again."

"Such language with your constituent, Detective." His breath was hot, his taunting even more so. "With talk like that, I might not let you sleep at all tonight."

When he finally granted what it was she craved, Kate was able to summon the strength of voice for just one word.

"Promise?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Sitting in Rick's office at the loft, Kate pulled out her phone again but still found no update on Royce's case from Javi, though at some point during their ride home, she had missed a call from Lanie, which, actually, she was anxious to return, given everything that'd taken place over the past couple of days.

They'd hopped back on the bike early that morning, made great time into the city, having beaten the pack of returning Sunday regulars who likewise made escape from the concrete jungle on weekends, and they'd headed for his place first, to drop him off before she'd move on for her own.

Rick had made a beeline for the bathroom, stupidly having not made use of the facilities at the last place they'd stopped for gas, and there she was for the second time in two days, at the edge of his bedroom looking in, but how profoundly things had changed.

Lost in a sensory overload of titillating flashes she wished no escape from, his naked body and hers together in relentless waves, she didn't hear Rick call out for her. It wasn't until her phone buzzed in her hand that she snapped from her reverie, noting the caller with a confused crinkle of her brow.

"You're too far away," said the voice when she opted to play along and answer. "Please come in here to me." Then Rick hung up.

Kate pocketed her phone, her knuckles skimming the worn edge of Royce's letter inside when she did, and approached the doorway to his bedroom where she stopped. "Feel better?" she asked after the bladder he'd treated so cruelly.

"I would if you'd come in here like I asked."

It hit her unprepared, his discernible thoughtfulness, especially after he'd solicited her in such silly form, but there was something in his eyes, in his voice, and with it a seed of worry suddenly began to grow.

For the first time, she crossed the threshold, took the few steps required to reach him where he sat at the foot of the bed, and he welcomed her into his body with an embrace unlike any she'd experienced since her mother was still with her, one that felt as though she'd come home.

"What's wrong, Castle?" she asked after a moment wrapped up in him. Her fingers feathered his cheek and curled around the back of his neck. "There's something."

"It feels so good to hold you in my real world. I just needed to know it wasn't all a dream."

Kate pressed a kiss to his forehead and then to his lips, opening tenderly when his desired more. "I'm here with you," she uttered in a breath. "I'm not going anywhere."

His fingers drew up the fabric of her shirt and exposed the skin of her belly, urged her onto his lap with a burning hand after he left the mark of his lips on its silk.

"I told myself I shouldn't do this. I stood in front of the mirror in there and told myself I shouldn't, but I have to," his voice quavered before he kissed her again, long and slow, savoring for fear it could all come crashing down. "I have to."

She tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let her go. "Have to what, Castle? Is it… Are you having second thoughts about this, because I-?"

It was all he could do not to burst into laughter. "God, no, are you kidding? Kate, the only thought I'm having, first, second, or any other number, is that I love you." He closed his eyes, exhaled audibly. "I love you. I love you more than anyone's ever loved you." One eye crept open. "Okay, wait, except, probably, your family. So, maybe them first then me, but it's close."

"You love me." Even she wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. Either way, it couldn't have been further from what she'd expected to hear.

"A woman like you shouldn't be saying that like it's some farfetched notion. Of course I love you-and want you and need you. And I'm sorry for telling you here, like this, but I read that letter, too, and I couldn't wait anymore, either, not when I've already waited as long as I have, not when I have no idea what the hell could happen tonight or even five minutes from now." Kate enveloped him in her arms and he could feel the pound of her heart against his chest. "You don't have to say anything. Just please don't go yet."

"I won't," she whispered at his ear.

**xxxx**

With the loft to themselves, they'd christened Rick's bed, Kate still naked in it among the rumpled sheets as the water from his shower came on in the other room. He'd invited her to join, a proposition she'd put on hold only until she could make the phone call she'd been dying to make, and luckily Lanie had answered on the first ring.

"There you are, girlfriend." Her best friend's voice oozed concern after not having spoken since the night Royce's body had been discovered. "How are you holding up?"

"I slept with Castle," Kate replied nonchalantly, as though the news wasn't front-page headline worthy.

After an unintelligible sound came spilling out of her, Lanie recovered and managed to cobble together a few actual sentences. "Well, that's better than I expected. Now, before anything else, two things need to happen. One, I need to sit my ass down. Two, you need to say what you just said again using very specific words. Okay, go."

Kate's eyes drifted toward the bathroom and she smiled softly. "I had sex with Castle."

"I thought sitting would be enough," she mumbled to herself. "I'd ask you how it was, but I am a _la_-dy." Then, without a second's hesitation, she defied her own assertion. "So, how was it?"

"Which time?"

"I see how it is. Clearly you want me to end up in one of my morgue drawers today. You're killing me here. You do realize that."

Kate snickered. "It's been…" Unconsciously, she brushed a hand across her breast and along the curve of her parted lips. "Honestly, Lanie, it's been sexy as hell."

"Damn girl, that's hot, and I am definitely going to need more details. Where are you now? Come to my place and dish over coffee."

"I'm at the loft-in his bed. We've been out of town for a couple of days, just got back in a little while ago. That's why I didn't answer when you called."

"Well, shit, why the hell are you calling me now? Go have you some fine writer bod and we'll talk later. I need to go out and get some wine for the rest of this conversation, anyway. I don't think coffee's going to be enough."

"Love you," Kate told her and set her phone on the nightstand before climbing out of bed, leaving the sheets and her pile of clothes on the floor beside it behind.

She stood outside the shower and watched Rick for the moment he didn't notice her, made a mental list of all the places on his body she wanted to put her hands, her mouth-places already well-traveled-and felt herself grow wet without having set a foot inside.

"What took you so long?" he called out from behind the wall of glass dappled with fog. "I've already soaped all my best parts, but get in here so I can do yours." Kate pulled the door's handle and peeked her head inside, gave the floor-to-ceiling marble the moment of regard it deserved. "I told you it was big. Care to take it for a spin?"

There was far more in his boast than architecture, and she, too, was skilled in the game of repartee.

Stepping in beneath the spray, she closed her eyes and let it flow over her, felt Rick's fingers trace an invisible line from her neck, between her breasts, all the way down her middle until he discovered her slick and his throat rumbled his pleasure in the find.

"It spins, too?" Kate asked. "You've been holding out on me." He still hadn't taken his hand away; rather its perpetual motion, she knew, would soon render her incapable of words.

In a flash, he had her backed up against the wall with breath as hot as the water. "No. I want to give you everything. Let me give you everything, Kate."

Their mouths crashed together like it was a choreographed dance, desperate with need and for release. He was hard against her body and she soft against his, and when he finally won her surrender and she hummed his name, he couldn't help but follow.

They remained nestled together, unmoving, for a time, the cascade the room's only sound until Kate's voice broke through. "There are so many things I still don't know." She let her forehead come to rest at his chest.

"Ask me. I'll tell you anything."

"No, Castle, that's not… I just, even with all those things, I know that I love you. I know that I have loved you. I'm sure of that."

"Oh, my God," Rick responded with a voice notably brittle, and he locked his arms around her.

**xxxx**

It'd only been a matter of hours, yet it felt like they'd been apart for weeks.

Kate had stopped by Lanie's after returning the bike to her father's garage, come home to find the air of her apartment free of the constriction that'd driven her from it just two days before. Rick had done that. They'd done that together.

She'd texted Javi but hadn't heard back, stripped off her clothes and collapsed in a deliciously weary heap. All she'd done over the past twenty-four hours was eat, fuck, and ride, and while her body was clamoring for a reprieve, the only thing she could think about, the only thing she wanted, was to summon Rick to her bed for more.

Her phone woke her with a startle a short time later-one of those blocks of time that fades into the abyss without care or concern-and she rolled onto her back to answer.

"I think I was dreaming about you," she told Rick, making no effort to pull the sheet up over her exposed breast.

"You sound like honey after whisky. Now I can't apologize for waking you up. Imagine if I'd missed such perfection." He quickly got down to important business. "Answer me this, Detective. What exactly were you wearing for this siesta of yours?"

Kate let her fingers slide beneath the covers and down to her hips, tucked them beneath the satin band that intercepted their path. "I'd tell you to use your writer's imagination, but you don't need to do that anymore, do you?" She could practically hear his eyelids slam shut and felt a wee rush from the payoff. "Lanie says hi, by the way."

"Did you tell her?"

"What? That I've seen you naked and she was right?" With the visual cue, her hand drifted lower still.

Rick gurgled. "Please know it's with great circumspection that I'm letting that one go. What about the other thing?"

"Castle, are you being purposefully vague so I'll say it?"

"Maybe," he answered, minus the level of cool he'd aimed for.

"Lanie already knew that. She's… infuriatingly insightful." Suddenly, there came a knock at her door, one she wasn't expecting and one she had no intention of getting up for, certainly not in her state of undress. When she huffed, he asked. "There's just-someone's at the damn door. I don't feel like getting up."

"Get up," he said, not at all a suggestion, instead arousingly insistent.

Kate did. Immediately. Wearing essentially nothing, she went for the door, checked the peephole and found Rick standing in the hallway, opened for him.

"What're you-?"

"You still haven't said it." He stepped in and she stepped back, his hand shoving the door closed behind him. "I came all the way over here." His eyes were lapping her up, and she felt every stroke. "That's what I want for my effort."

Kate crooked a brow and turned on her heel, strolled back into her bedroom without a peep. Rick gave her a head start but followed, of course-because that was exactly what she wanted-and found her kneeling at the side of the bed.

"First you have to come over here. Then I'll give you what you want." He walked straight up to her, the height of the mattress aligning their mouths in serendipitous proximity. With a fixed gaze on the pools of his eyes, her fingers found the button of his jeans, and him beneath it. "It's more fun if we both get something."

Rick came for her mouth when her hand slipped deeper and teased, and she opened for him without challenge, taking as much as she gave. "Say it," he tickled against her lips. "I want to hear it again before I do things to your body that take your breath away."

"I love you," she purred in his ear before a nibble at his lobe, and without warning he hooked his hands behind her thighs and flipped her back onto the bed.

Finishing the work she'd started, he let his jeans fall to the floor, followed swiftly by the rest of the clothes he'd worn in, and then he set his sights on what little existed of hers.

"I should probably preface what's about to happen by saying that, once again, riding on that thing all morning has done a number on my lower half, and any, shall we say, performance issues that arise should be attributed only to that."

He reached down and inched her panties from her hips, over the bend in her knees, and tossed them over his shoulder.

"Yeah, well, riding that thing," she countered with deliberate eyes and a grin, "has done a number on mine. Bring it down here, anyway."

He turned and looked down at the floor. "I, um, I came prepared this time, by the way."

"Castle, just…" She reached out and he climbed onto the bed and settled between her legs. "Just kiss me right now, okay? Just put your hands on me and let me feel you here."

Rick caressed her cheek, pecked her chin and her nose and her lips. "Promise me you'll never get tired of me telling you that I love you, because I promise I will never get tired of hearing you say it."

"I promise," she said and told him once more.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Rick roused her that early Monday morning with a brush of his lips across the back of her neck, a ghost of a "Morning, Detective," following in its wake. They'd managed to rack up a respectable collection of sleep hours the previous night, thanks to yet another vigorous session between the sheets, both exactly what Kate needed leading into her return to the precinct.

"What time is it?" she squeaked inside of a stretch, a perceptible curl on her lips inspired by the warmth of his body around hers.

"You asked me to wake you at 6 a.m., but it's five minutes before that because I'm a greedy man. Want me to make you some coffee while you shower?"

She rolled to face him and kissed him tenderly for the offer, but said she'd stop on her way in. "I know what you said, Castle, but you really don't have to stay away today. I've only been out a couple of days. My going back isn't some big thing."

Rick had decided on his own he was going to give her the day without the added distraction of her shadow, and though she'd protested-simple kindness or otherwise-he knew it would be better for her that way.

"Look, I know how tough it is for you to go out there now and catch bad guys without the aid of my brains and brawn," he cracked, drawing her against his body, "but I'll be there tomorrow, coffee in hand, like always. Just take a minute, settle in and get caught up on what you need to." His hand drifted to her thigh and hiked it up over the arc of his. "Besides, now you'll be able to think all day about me finishing this when you come to the loft later." With his thumb, he swirled a lazy trail between her legs and earned a hitch of her breath for it.

"Is that what you think I'm going to do? Spend my whole day thinking about you?" She tried to play off the stir he'd caused, but even she recognized the effort a feeble one.

"Yes, it is, and I'm going to be here thinking about you all day, too," he admitted and punctuated it with a fiery kiss.

Suddenly, her palm hit his chest. "Wait, aren't Alexis and your mom both getting back today?"

"Yeah. Why?" he asked, trying to dip back in for more.

They hadn't talked about it yet, about what they were or weren't going to tell people about their new status, but it wasn't as though Kate had, up until that point, been one to regularly pop over to the loft to hang out after work, or at any other time, for that matter.

"I don't know, just, I guess… Are you going to tell them? About us?"

"Well, I mean, I'd like to, obviously. I'd hire a skywriter and announce it to the world if I could, but I won't if that's not what you want. I told you we could take this thing as slow as you need to, and I meant that. I also think, whenever we do decide to share it, that we should share it together, not that those two don't already know my feelings-like Lanie with you."

Kate rolled her eyes. "They're all so annoying," she joked, and with struggle-more mental than physical-pushed herself upright. "You really have complicated everything. You know that?" She drew a knuckle across his chin. "Get your naked ass out of my bed. I have to go to work."

**xxxx**

The only person on her team Kate didn't beat to the bullpen was her captain, but that wasn't anything unusual. Roy Montgomery was the most dedicated cop she'd ever known-more than Royce, more than her partners, more than even herself-and that he considered her beyond simply a badge at his service had become one of the greatest blessings of her life.

"Morning, sir," she said from the edge of his office, his eye drawn by the voice. "Am I interrupting?"

"Office is open, Detective. Get in here and sit. Still pissed off at me or are we done with that?" he asked when she did.

She gave him the truth, and without doubt. "We're done."

He tossed down his pen, tilted his chair back away from the desk with arms folded. "Good, because I'm about to give you a fresh reason." Kate's brow dropped with the presentation of it. "Royce is done, Beckett. The piece of garbage who hit him got transferred out of here yesterday." Anger came rushing back in, and he watched it happen as clearly as liquid filling a glass. "I know Esposito called you before. I've dealt with that. And I know this is late, later than you would've wanted. That's on me. I wanted this for myself. I told you I'd give you this."

What she wanted was to scream, but with which coursing emotion she wasn't sure.

"Why?"

"He got into some ugly shit with some ugly people. His job was ugly. That's it. I'm sorry, but it's not anything more complicated than that." There was a folder out on his desk. He leaned in and slid it her direction. "Royce made choices, Beckett, and he doesn't deserve to be dead for them, but he is. I know you're smart enough to know none of that is on you. Take it. Read it when you want to read it."

Kate got up and grabbed the file, turned to go.

"I don't like not having you in my house, Detective," he called after her, and she stopped but didn't look back. "Tell me you used the time."

"I did, sir."

"Then get back out there and do what you should be doing. Have Esposito and Ryan catch you up on Miller when they show up. And Kate," he said when she made it to the door, "he was a good man and a damn good cop. That's all anyone around here is going to remember."

**xxxx**

After leaving the 12th that night and because Rick had been drifting through her thoughts all day, she made a stop at the market for a small gift on her way to the loft, arrived to find him preparing one of Alexis's favorite meals for dinner in honor of her return from her class trip.

"Miss me today? Not that your lips didn't just answer that question in the form of an essay," he remarked with a goofy sort of grin. "Come with me and keep me company. I'm making welcome-home tacos for the little Castle. There's plenty, if you want some."

Kate pulled off her bag, took a seat at the counter. "That sounds really good, actually. I spent most of the afternoon unburying from last week. I didn't have time for a break for anything."

He set a glass of wine in front of her. She didn't object. "Anything on the guy Esposito called you about while we were away?"

She'd held it all day.

"They got him, Castle. Ryan and Esposito got him. Montgomery told me when I got in this morning. He gave me the file, but I haven't really read through it yet."

"This is probably the least important question of all the unimportant questions I could ask, but when did this happen?"

"They transferred him yesterday. It's okay, Castle. It is what it is," she continued off his look. "I thought, if you wanted to, maybe we could read it together."

"I want to, definitely," he agreed with a gentle smile, knowing how it must've killed her to not be involved in any of it. "I missed you today, by the way, if you're into hearing that sort of thing."

She pushed off her chair and came around the counter. "Where is little Castle, by the way?" she asked with more than a polite curiosity, and before he could get out an answer, her mouth was on his, her fingers fisted in his hair.

"Really, you guys, in the kitchen? Is that even sanitary?" came from a voice neither expected. "Maybe I should order in instead."

Kate practically threw herself across the kitchen when she pushed away. "We were just… Alexis, hi. How was your trip?" Her cheeks grew nearly as rosy as her shirt. "It's taco night," she blurted like she'd downed a bottle rather than a sip.

Alexis glided from the landing to the counter, gave each of them an eye as a parent would a couple of busted teens. "So, I leave for three days and that's when it finally happens. What took you so long? We've only been waiting, like, three years," she gibed and crunched on a tortilla chip from the bowl.

"I told you. Like Lanie," Rick noted to Kate. "And yes, daughter, if by 'it' you mean I finally caved to Detective Beckett's repeated attempts to woo me, you would be correct. I know romantic entanglements can sometimes lead to awkwardness at the office, but we're both professionals, and I'm hopeful."

Kate grabbed the dish towel hanging over the edge of the sink and chucked it at his face.

"Living in fantasyland is what you are," she quipped. "We were going to tell you, Alexis. We just wanted to do it together."

"Yeah, that's what it looked like," Alexis ribbed. Like father, like daughter. "And I'm happy for you. I know how much you mean to my dad."

Rick pointed at his daughter, nodded like his head was on a spring. "See how smart she is? Chip off the old block."

The girls shared a glance.

"Thank you for saying so," Kate said. "He means a lot to me, too."

He looked at Alexis and moved on her silent approval, wrapped his arms around Kate and lifted her off her feet, his lips wasting no time in picking up where they'd left off.

Cue Martha with her impeccable timing.

It was the thud of her weekend bags hitting the floor that alerted her arrival, her expression of shock just as loud. "Now, I know I kicked back a little of the bubbly with the gals on the ride home, but it must've been more than I realized because I swear I must be seeing things."

"Hey, Gram," Alexis beamed, meeting her approach with a hug.

"Mother," Rick said, his arm locked around Kate's shoulder, holding her snug. "Nice to see you home in one piece. I didn't receive any other phone calls, so I assume my house is the same."

"How about we save the wisecracks for later, Richard. Maybe I should be asking Katherine. That might be my only hope for a straight answer. Hello, darling, by the way. Lovely to see you, as always."

Rick squeezed Kate's arm the tiniest bit, but it was enough to soothe.

"Hi, Martha. You too."

"Now then Katherine, was I seeing things or were you, in fact, just kissing my son in the middle of the kitchen? Shush, Richard," she added preemptively when his lips parted.

"Actually, I was," she replied from a snicker before Alexis chimed in.

"Before you got here, I caught them, too. And I already asked why it took them so long."

Tending first to the food sizzling on the stove, Rick jumped in. "Okay, first of all, you didn't catch us, because we weren't doing anything wrong." He raised a finger, paused. "Let me add to that, though, and say if I ever walk in here and catch you doing again with Ashley what we were doing, definitely wrong. Second of all, no matter how long it might've taken, if it'd taken thirty years instead of three, it would've been worth the wait, because she's it. She's the one. Now, can we all just please sit down and eat some tacos?"

Martha walked into the kitchen, gathered Kate in a hug, and offered quiet congratulation. "Good for you, kiddo. Good for you." Turning to her son, she tapped him on the cheek a couple of times-a nod of approval, to be sure-then wandered back out to retrieve her bags. "You're a lucky man, kiddo. Keep it that way," she dropped over her shoulder. "Start without me, alright? I shall return."

Kate stepped in beside him and curled her fingers around his, because he'd said what he'd said, and before he had, she'd foolishly thought she couldn't possibly love him more.

**xxxx**

"Yes, I am pouting. I hate that you have to leave. And that you were fully clothed the entire time you were here," he pressed to her temple. They were reclined together against the pillows at his headboard, full from dinner and finally taking advantage of time alone in a day they'd spent apart. "I was already starting to get used to waking up with you next to me."

"I wasn't going to have sex with you when your mother and your daughter are both upstairs, Castle. Not the way we've been doing it. Wait, that reminds me." She slid from the bed without warning, grabbed her bag from the chair and pulled out what she'd hidden inside. "I just remembered I brought you something."

Rick instantly perked up. "Is it black and lacy?"

"Not tonight. I do have something that fits that description, though. I'll save it for when you can finish what you started this morning." She kissed his lips firmly, handed over the bag. "I figured you could use those to hold you over."

Rick untied the bowed handles and peeked inside, found a pile of Snickers bars-at least two dozen of them-and he let out a burst of laughter. "If I have to get through this entire bag before I can have you again, consider yourself notified that I will be sending Montgomery a letter of resignation on your behalf to clear your schedule for the foreseeable future. Better get some hobbies in order, Detective."

Kate climbed back onto the bed, onto his body, and tossed her gift aside. "Is screwing a hobby?" He sighed from the ache of the notion. "I'll tell you what," she said, guiding his hands to her breasts and then putting hers to use unfastening his belt. "How about I leave you with a little preview of one of the many rewards you'll earn for your patience."

"Oh, I like the sound of… this," he sputtered when she took him in hand and began to work him. "And I so like the feel of that. God, I love your rewards. You give the best rewards."

"I'm not done, Castle." She arched her back and sampled him with her tongue, purred her pleasure. "You talk sweet, but you taste salty," she told him with a wicked grin.

He recognized instantly what it was she'd done with her deliberately chosen words. "Nikki Heat is no Kate Beckett," he replied with his own come-hither inflection.

"I've been trying to tell you that from the beginning."

…


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

It'd been painted over in the year they'd been gone, its metal edges once chipped and raw with rust now feigning smooth thanks to a makeover of but modest improvement, and what was once a whir had been replaced by a definitive rattle, yet the old air conditioner stuck there in the wall seemed to suit the place even more somehow, like it was precisely where it belonged in time and space, much like the two of them, back there at the Lake Heaven Motel where they'd begun.

"Do you ever think about whether or not all of this would've happened if we hadn't had to share this room the last time we were here?"

Kate pushed her fingers between his, drew his hand to her lips and gave it a peck. Midday that Saturday found them still entwined in bed, and with little planned otherwise, after a string of book-signing events on Rick's calendar had them separated for the entirety of the previous week.

"I can't believe it's been a year," she said in sidestep. "This place is still a dump."

"Excuse me, Detective, but that's no way to refer to _our_ place. I mean, it might hear you and swallow us whole." Rick gave her bare shoulder a playful nip. "I'm sorry. I thought this would be a romantic surprise. Next anniversary, you get to pick the spot."

The corners of her mouth curled with the unintended softball he'd lobbed. Stretching her legs beneath the sheets, she came over onto her back so she could see his eyes. "It is romantic," she assured him with a kiss to punctuate it. "And you already know all the spots I like."

"Oh, you're naughty. That's one of the things I like most in a detective, by the way." He pushed up onto his elbow. "So, you haven't answered."

She pushed out a wee huff, but only because he never let anything go by.

"I don't know if I can answer, Castle, or if either of us really could. Being in love with you and not being with you was really hard, but I was terrified of it, too. Without what happened to Royce and without us ending up here together that weekend because of it, I'm not sure when or if I could've found a way to jump into this."

Rick let his forehead come to rest above her heart. "I hate for you that you don't have him, but I'm going to be grateful for him every day for the rest of my life because he helped bring you to me."

The air conditioner coughed suddenly as though someone had run up and kicked it in the gut, and the sound turned both of their heads with a snap.

"God, Castle, can we please put that thing out of its misery for a few hours and turn it off? I'm pretty sure we're out of prime creepy-noises hours, at this point."

Rather than tend to her wish, he scrunched up the pillows against the scarred wood that was the headboard and leaned back into them. "You want it off? Go right ahead. I'd prefer to stay here and enjoy the view, get a good look at some of those spots I know you like."

Kate gave him a shake of the head, but she wasn't immune to the power of his gaze, and she knew exactly where it would lead. Wearing only a smile he couldn't see, she crossed the room, fiddled with the unit until it seemed to sigh with relief, and then turned to come back to him.

Halfway to the bed she stopped, gave the room and him in it a once-over. "I love it here," she said, quiet like it was some treasured secret. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else with you at this minute than in this room."

"Get back over here," Rick said after a moment spent indulging in the vision of her, and she came, nuzzled into his waiting body. "Loving you is the greatest decision I never had to make." He pressed his lips to the top of her head and lingered there, and though he hadn't planned what would come next, he knew asking his heart to wait any longer would've been as futile as asking the morning sun not to rise.

There in that beat-up motel room in the woods, with its cracked this and rickety that, he wrote on the air the three most important words he'd written in all his life.

"Marry me, Kate."

**xxx**


End file.
